


Two Hearts Divided

by islandsmoke



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bonding, Developing Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon, Werewolf Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-28
Updated: 2012-11-28
Packaged: 2020-06-25 13:51:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19747051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islandsmoke/pseuds/islandsmoke
Summary: When Snape acted on his fantasies, he never thought he and the wolf would bond.  That in itself wasn't so bad, but the wolf happened to come with one Remus Lupin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Zephre for the Snupin Santa fic exchange.
> 
> Thanks to beta, Hogwarts Honey.

Remus Lupin was not a potion expert. He was also busy discussing Wolfsbane with the lab Director, trying to find a tactful way to say that the Ministry produced potion was largely rubbish, so he wasn't really paying attention to what the new apprentice in the Ministry's lab was doing. 

But Remus Lupin had survived two wars due in part to the training of Alastor "Constant Vigilance" Moody, so a portion of his attention must have been on the apprentice, because when the young man added silverfish eggs to his cauldron right after the leaping toadstools and picked up a copper stirring rod, Remus had managed to throw up a shield charm just before the explosion. The last thing he remembered was yelling, "No!" and diving to the floor.

They had all survived the accident, though the young apprentice, being so close to the epicentre of the blast, had lost his sight. Remus considered the singeing off of an eyebrow and some of his hair as a trifle not worth commenting on. As soon as he could get away from the hovering Healers at St. Mungo's, _Yes, he'd been knocked cold, but he was awake now, wasn't he?_ Remus stormed into Kingsley Shacklebolt's office.

"Well, you have to do _something._." He was pacing restlessly, adrenaline from the incident still coursing through his veins.

"Remus we've been over this. If I so much as bring Snape in as a consultant, the lab Director will quit."

"Then fire the son-of-a-bitch! He's incompetent anyway. That Wolfsbane he brews is one step up from poison."

"Sit down, will you? You're wearing out my carpet. And that missing eyebrow of yours makes you look deranged; you frightened my assistant half to death." Kingsley summoned that very assistant and requested tea.

Remus sat, still fuming, and drummed his fingers on the polished surface of the Minister's desk.

"How are your training sessions going with the Aurors?"

"You know, you've been paying close attention. Don't change the subject."

There was a moment of silence as Kingsley let the rudeness pass.

"Sorry." Remus combed a hand through what was left of his hair. "They're doing well." He couldn't help a proud smile. "Harry is brilliant at teaching basic defence and duelling, and most of them are picking up the advanced skills quickly." Remus felt himself relaxing. "I do love teaching. And have I mentioned how appreciative I am that you went out on a limb to obtain this position for me?"

"Only about a hundred times."

The tea arrived, and the Minister poured.

"As I've said before, Remus, that wasn't a personal favour. I firmly believe – contrary to some people – that in spite of Voldemort's demise, we need to keep up on our Dark Arts Defence. Not actually teach the Dark Arts, but we need to keep the knowledge of the spells, theories, and the defences necessary to combat them. Evil, as I'm sure you know, never really dies."

"And there will always be someone power-hungry enough to use it for personal gain."

"Precisely." He passed a plate of biscuits. "We are fortunate, indeed, to have someone with your skills – and the ability to teach them – who is willing to train our Aurors. So many just seem to wish to put it behind them and pretend it can never happen again."

"Merlin help us, it will never happen again in our lifetimes." Remus raised his tea cup in salute.

"Gods." Kingsley suddenly set down his cup and rubbed a hand over his face. "Twice in a lifetime was more than enough." He shook his head. "We must not allow ourselves to be blinded to the possibility of it happening again, though."

" _We_ never did." Remus' smile was lopsided.

"Then we must see to it that no one else does, either."

"But back to the Potions Lab."

Kingsley smiled. "You _are_ a dog with a bone."

"Werewolf." Remus grinned. "Have you had any contact with Severus at all?"

"Not after he so rudely refused my first offer four years ago. Cut me dead, he did." Kingsley smiled ruefully at the memory. "Too bad, too. That Potions professor at Hogwarts is nowhere near his standard. We pick the best of the lot, as always, but it's been years since any of them have earned more than an A in their Potions N.E.W.T.." He grimaced. "None of this year's applicants for Auror training had the necessary potions score, and poor Smithens – the lad in the explosion – he _did_ have an A, and look what happened."

"Surely Minerva's aware!" Remus' teacup paused halfway to his lips.

"Oh, yes. And tearing her hair out trying to find a suitable professor. I heard she's interviewing a fellow from Tasmania."

"She probably tried to lure Severus out of retirement as well."

"I'm sure she did." Kingsley munched a shortbread. "Teaching doesn't seem to hold any allure for him, but teaching remedial potions to Ministry employees…." He grimaced. "Well, he was rather scathing about it."

"To be fair, it'd be _Advanced_ Remedial Potions." Remus hid a grin behind his teacup.

"Have _you_ tried talking him into it?" Kingsley raised an eyebrow.

Remus set his cup down carefully, his mood sobering. "Severus and I were never on the best of terms."

"I don't think _anyone_ was ever on good terms with Snape, but I still tried talking to him," Kingsley said as he poured more tea. "How about it, Remus? Will you give it a try for the future of Wizarding Britain?"

"Give what a try, Minister? Exactly what do you want to offer Severus?"

There was a muffled crash from somewhere below them, probably in what was left of the potion lab.

"Right now, I'd give the bastard just about anything he wanted if he'd come and even consult. And yes, if he came, I _would_ fire the current Director. It seems we'll be rebuilding the lab from scratch, and I'd give him free rein to design and equip it, as long as he stays as Director for two years, _and_ works with the new trainees to bring them up to snuff, _and_ trains a proper replacement before he leaves. I'd also get him any salary he wants as long as it doesn't exceed mine." He smiled. "Can't have that – bad for morale, and all."

Remus whistled. "That pretty generous. You must not hold out much hope that he'll accept. Do you even know where he is?"

Kingsley looked surprised. "Oh, he's not in hiding, although he _is_ in Wales."

~~

Remus moved rapidly down the sheep trail from the copse into which he'd Apparated. Small stones rolled under the soles of his thick boots and more than once he had to use his arms to keep his balance on the steep hillside. The sun played tag with the clouds, and across the valley, shadows raced over the varied green of fields and trees. Soon, the trail turned into a dirt track, and he passed a farm pressed in against the hill as if for protection from… dragons, perhaps? This was Wales, after all.

A shadow crossed his path, and he instinctively reached for his wand as he looked up, but it was a just a Red Kite, drifting lazily on the warm afternoon updrafts.

As he passed through another copse he smiled to himself for being so jumpy in such a bucolic setting, and then his steps slowed as he studied the small cottage on his left. Actually, he studied the eaves of the cottage; the hill was so steep here that even though the dwelling was not far from the track, it was well below the level of the road. A stone wall with a peeling, iron gate ran along the edge of the track, and stone steps led down to a tiny, terraced garden and a stout wooden door.

After glancing around to confirm that the only eyes watching him belonged to a few sleepy sheep and a pied flycatcher secure in the thick branches of an elderberry bush, Remus drew his wand and scanned the area around the gate. Finding nothing, he poked his wand gently at the space above the gate. There was a slight tingle as his wand picked up a web of simple, but effective wards. With a puzzled frown, Remus deactivated them and cautiously pushed the gate open with his wand. When nothing happened, took a deep breath and stepped through.

A goldfinch flitted away from a seed feeder hanging in the tall birch tree beside the cottage.

Descending the steep steps, Remus raised a fist and banged on the heavy door. As he expected, given the apparent thickness of the wood, it made very little sound, and he was slightly startled when the door abruptly opened. He caught a glimpse of Severus' scowling face, pulled-back hair, and the open collar and rolled up sleeves of a white shirt before the door slammed in his face.

"Come on, Severus." Remus laughed, leaning close to the solid barrier. "You can't tell me you didn't know who was here before you opened the door, so cut out the drama and open up."

The latch clicked and the door squeaked opened a couple of inches. Remus waited a heartbeat, then pushed it open slowly and stepped over the sill into a tiny entryway with doors to the left and the right. The right hand one was closed, and Severus leaned against the other frame, arms crossed, still scowling. As Remus closed the door, an unusual-looking walking stick propped in the corner caught his eye. It was long, made of a twisted, white material and decorated with a silver head and a steel tip. It was worn almost smooth near the top from years of use.

"It's a cetaceous baculum."

Remus levelled a long look at Severus, who didn't so much as blink. "Whales don't have penis bones. That's a Narwhal tusk, _as you of course know_. And a lovely one, I might add."

Severus smirked and turned to lead the way into the room on the left. It was a cosy room, with a big stone fireplace, worn, comfortable looking furniture, and bookcases lining the walls. More books covered every surface, along with parchments and periodicals. There was what looked like a bezoar holding down a stack of receipts on the desk, and a teacup on the mantle. Remus picked up a delicate bone from where it lay at the base of a table lamp.

"Now _this_ is a penis bone."

"Wolf."

Remus turned it over in his hand, and a sudden frission went down his spine that tightened his muscles almost painfully before he could control himself. 

" _Were_ wolf, actually." Remus set the bone down carefully and raised his eyes to Severus', careful to keep his expression mild.

Severus' expression remained unchanged, and Remus threw up all his Occlumency defences in a sudden, reflexive reaction.

One corner of Severus' mouth twitched. "I'm brewing. Whatever you want will have to wait until I'm done, which will be – " he glanced at the clock on the mantle, " – in eight and a half minutes." He headed through the doorway at the far side of the room. "Make yourself useful and put on some tea."

Nine minutes later, Severus was in the kitchen, washing his hands. Hanging the tea towel neatly on the cooker door, he nodded at the plate of Jammie Dodgers Remus had put on the table.

"I see you don't mind rummaging through my things." He straddled a chair and poured the tea.

"They were hiding right beside the tea cups. A bit hard to miss."

Severus finished pouring out both cups of tea, put the pot aside and took a long drink. Setting the cup on the saucer with a rattle, he leaned both arms on the table and fixed Remus with a stare.

"What do you want?"

Remus felt inexplicably nervous, and this vexed him. "I can't just come for a visit?" His tone sounded overly casual, even to him.

"No. At least, you never have and I can think of no reason why you would now. Did Shacklebolt send you?"

That caught Remus off guard; Severus saw it and snorted. "I do read the paper." He sipped his tea.

"We need you."

Severus' eyebrows disappeared in his hairline. "We? Exactly who is _we?_ "

Remus shifted. Severus still had the ability to unbalance him. "The Ministry, the Aurors, the lab, Wizarding Britain." He waved a hand. "The world."

"And why should I care about the world? Do you think I owe it something?"

"Not a bloody thing." Remus cocked his head as he watched Severus. "You've already given most of your life to the cause, 'though that may not have been your reason. But as far as I know, you owe nothing to no one."

"So… you're appealing to my better nature?"

"No." Remus sighed. "I told Kingsley is was a waste of time."

He saw a flicker of anger in Severus' eyes. "Making my decisions for me now?"

"No! Gods, you haven't changed at all, have you. Still just a contrary bastard." He started to rise.

"And you still have no patience. Sit! You must have been an appalling spy."

"I was a damn good spy and you bloody well know it." He scrubbed his face with his hands. "Why are you like this?"

The question seemed to catch Severus off guard and he shrugged slightly. "Keeps people on the defensive; which gives me an edge."

"And do you need an edge with me? You let me in. In fact, your wards would hardly keep out a fifth year; why are they so simple?"

"The war's over." Severus suddenly looked tired.

"And just like that, you're no longer paranoid? But you still need an edge?"

"Old habits die hard." He gave Lupin a pointed look.

"Yeah." Remus sighed heavily. Severus poured more tea.

"So why did Shacklebolt send you? Are you two friends these days?"

"I do training for the Auror department."

"Do you now?" He pushed the plate of biscuits a few inches closer to Remus. "Well, no one ever called Shacklebolt a fool." He sat back. "I _thought_ you'd found a better tailor. Can't say much for your barber, however."

Remus laughed. "Oh, that. Got singed off in the explosion."

"And you want me to throw in a hair restorative potion while I'm saving the world?"

An instant before replying, Remus noticed the small smirk on Severus' face and his irritation faded. "Actually, I hadn't even thought about it."

"Why am I not surprised." Severus gave an exaggerated eye roll, and Remus laughed. Severus' expression relaxed a bit. "So what, precisely, does the Minister for Magic propose?"

"The lab was destroyed. He'd like for you to plan and equip a new one." Severus' eyebrows rose. "And he'd like you to choose and train the new personnel, as well as bring the Auror recruits up to a higher standard. Even the brightest suffer from sub-standard teaching."

"And for this he will give me…?"

"Free rein in the lab, and a very generous salary."

"How generous?"

"Anything, as long as it's less than his."

Severus snorted. "And in return he wants…?"

"A two year commitment, and you train your replacement before you leave."

"That it?"

Remus nodded.

"You held nothing back with which to negotiate?"

"Not my style." Remus smiled. "How about it, want to save the world again?"

"No." Severus checked the teapot and frowned when he found it empty. "But it might be interesting. What about that fool of a lab Director?"

"If you're in, he's out." Remus didn't mention that the Director had already threatened that.

"He should be out anyway for not paying enough attention to a new apprentice."

"I was talking to him."

"And yet, _you_ were the one who prevented the boy's death."

Remus shifted uncomfortably. "Are you being nice to me?"

"Didn't mean to be." Severus shrugged.

Remus bit his lip and dropped his gaze. "No, of course not. Silly of me to even think."

Severus rose and put the tea things in the sink. "Why are you so bloody sensitive? One would think that with a life like yours, you'd have a thicker hide."

Remus felt his anger rising. "Maybe I just don't like being your whipping boy."

Turning around, Severus fixed him with a long look, then turned his head and stared out the window as the silence stretched.

"Did the Ministry lab provide your Wolfsbane?"

"Such as it was. They were trying to find a way to make it in big batches so they could distribute it among the packs." He felt an icy finger of fear on the back of his neck. He hadn't thought about where the Wolfsbane would come from, now that the lab was gone.

"How was it?" Severus was still studying the hillside across the valley.

"Rubbish. And I don't mean inferior to yours, I mean rubbish. Made me sick for days, and barely worked. I never trusted it."

"Tell Shacklebolt," Severus' gaze returned to Remus' face as he folded his arms. "I'll do it, but only under my conditions. I want complete control over all aspects of the lab. That will include, but is not limited to: at least fifty percent of my time will be devoted to research of _my_ choosing, no one will be allowed access to the lab but the apprentices and myself – and that means _no one_ , not even him – without my say so, and no oversight of, nor limitations on, the ingredients I acquire. And a for-my-use-only Floo connection straight into my office."

Remus' eyes had gone wide. "I'll tell him. If he accepts, when can you start?"

Severus spread his hands. "As soon as the Floo connection is in place, and that idiot lab Director is out."

Remus found himself grinning as he nodded. "I'll let him know."

They headed for the door, and Severus held it wide in the tiny space of the front hall. Remus gave him a small salute as he passed outside into the golden afternoon sunlight.

"Lupin."

He turned. Severus was still standing there, his hand on the door.

"That werewolf baculum; it came from Russia."

Remus took a slow breath and made his voice soft. "He was still human for most of his life."

Severus frowned. "Some people have human skulls for souvenirs."

A smile barely stretched Remus' tight lips. "I don't like that, either."

Not waiting for a reply, Remus turned back and started up the steps that were only the beginning of a stiff climb back to the Apparition point.

~~

"Kingsley!" Remus hurried after the Minister as he stepped into the lift. Kingsley held the door, and Remus dashed inside. They were alone.

"He's coming, I hear?" Remus couldn't help grinning.

"He is. Should be here spreading hate and discontent on Monday." Kingsley was looking smug.

"How did you ever get approval for his demand of unrestricted, unsupervised ingredients?"

"Oh. I swore he was trustworthy." He suddenly looked worried. "He is, isn't he?"

"He's not the one who made promises."

Kingsley wiped a hand over his face. "I'm fucked, aren't I?"

"I wouldn't count on Severus to cover your arse, but he _will_ cover his own. He's knows better than to flaunt any illegal ingredients he procures."

"So you think he will? Order restricted ingredients?"

Remus shrugged. "I would think so. If he can't brew some of the restricted potions, how will he be able to do research and brew antidotes? You can't determine everything just from the list of what goes into a potion."

"I suppose." Kingsley nodded. "Like not letting the knowledge of the Unforgivables die so we can protect ourselves against them."

"Exactly!" Remus beamed as the lift stuttered to a halt and they emerged into the Atrium.

~~

Monday came and went with no one catching a glimpse of the Potion Master. By Wednesday, people seemed to be resigned to the fact that Severus wasn't going to be coming out of his lab, and the buzz around the tea kettles was quieting down.

Remus was at his desk when a memo flew in, hovered a moment while it unfolded itself, then floated down onto the training schedule he was writing. The parchment had 'Lupin' written on it in bold letters. He turned it over.

_Come to my office.  
S._

An entire parade of thoughts and emotions streamed through Remus' mind before he chided himself for being childish, capped his ink, put away his quill and went to see what Severus wanted.

The door to Severus' office was next to that of the lab. Both were heavily warded, and Remus knocked on the door to the office, idly thinking of possible ways to disarm the wards as he waited.

He hadn't come to any conclusions before the door opened on its own, and a voice called, "In."

Stuffing down a flare of annoyance, Remus entered and closed the door behind him. "You summoned me?"

If Severus noticed the sarcasm, he gave no indication. He had a smoking goblet in his hand as he turned. "Your Wolfsbane."

The relief that flooded Remus' body almost made him stumble as he hurried forward. He downed the viscous liquid quickly, and closed his eyes as he swallowed against the bitter taste. Nothing so nasty had ever tasted so good.

"Thank you, Severus."

From the look that flickered in Severus' eyes, Remus knew that the depth of his gratitude had been plain. Severus responded with a curt nod.

"The lab here isn't ready for brewing yet, so I'm making it at home. What time do you get here in the morning?"

"Half-eight."

Severus nodded. "Good. Stop by and pick it up then."

"I shan't be late." Remus turned to go.

"Lupin."

Remus turned again.

"I want to experiment with the Wolfsbane."

Doubt made Remus' stomach clench. "It works fine as it is."

Severus face clouded. "I'm aware of that. _Fine_ is not what I strive for. You _are_ willing to cooperate, aren't you?"

"Of course." Remus tried to swallow his fears. "What is it you wish to alter about it?"

"Before I change anything, I must be familiar with exactly what it already does." He waved a hand. "I will have to do extensive interviews with you, and will formulate a list of things I wish you to keep in mind during the coming moon. If you can."

"Am I to be your only subject?"

"For now."

"Won't the sample size be too small to make any findings relevant?"

"You surprise me, Lupin." Severus inclined his head. "You're thinking like a scientist."

Remus felt himself relaxing a little. "Well, since I have quite a large stake in the results, I'm going to be rather strict about methodology."

"Good." The corners of Severus' mouth twitched. "I'm starting with a small sample size – you – and will use the results to make changes that, if they don't kill you, will be tried on a wider range of subjects."

"Splendid." Remus tried for total ambiguity of tone.

Severus actually smiled a tiny bit. "I'd like you to come by my home for an interview on Saturday. Four o'clock, all right?" It was hardly a question.

"That will be fine. Do you have any idea how much time you'll need?" Remus looked innocent. "I don't have much of a social life, but I do have some."

Severus stiffened. "If something else is more important…."

"I can't think of anything that would be more important. I simply would like to know so I can alter my plans if need be."

"Oh." Severus frowned. "It's likely to take a while." He looked at something on his desk. "I could provide dinner if we run late."

Remus blinked. "That's very generous of you." He hoped Molly wouldn't be too upset when he told her he wouldn't be coming by for dinner.

There was a knock on the door that led to the lab. "Sir?" One of the workman looked around the door. "If you have a moment?"

"Tomorrow morning, then." Remus nodded and headed for the door to the hall.

Severus disappeared into the lab without a word.

~~

Dark was coming on early as Remus slipped and slid down the muddy hillside on his way to Severus' cottage. Cold rain fell in blinding sheets and trickled inside the back of his collar in spite of the repelling charms, but Remus wasn’t going to take the time to recast them as all his attention was needed to keep his feet under him.

At last, soaking wet and with muddy boots, he arrived at Severus' door which, thankfully, opened quickly to his pounding. He banished the mud and the wet as he stepped over the sill, and the cloak and hat he handed Severus were almost dry.

"Put your boots by the fire, if you like." Severus hung the garments in the tiny hall closet.

"Thanks." Remus went into the cosy living room, now warm from a roaring fire on the wide hearth. He noticed that the werewolf baculum was not by the lamp, but didn't look around to see if it had simply been moved.

"Tea, or something stronger?"

Remus looked up, shaking his damp hair out of his eyes. "Both?"

_Was Severus hiding a smile as he turned toward the kitchen?_

He returned with two steaming mugs of tea and set them on his desk. Pulling a bottle from the bottom drawer, he added a generous portion of rich amber liquid to one and handed it to Remus. His own, he left unsupplemented.

Remus took a mouthful and closed his eyes, his head tipping back against the softness of his chair. After a few seconds of enjoying the taste, he swallowed and felt the warmth spread all the way to his toes. With a happy sigh, he looked at Severus, only to be surprised by the intent way the man was staring at him. Severus quickly looked away, sitting at his desk and straightening a rather formidable looking stack of parchments.

"I've prepared a few questions."

Remus eyed the stack. "Right then. Think we'll be done by midnight?"

"You have somewhere else to be?"

"It was a joke, Severus." Remus took another fortifying gulp of tea. "Carry on."

The questions were detailed and complex, and Remus found himself totally engaged. He told Severus everything he could remember about his transformations both with and without the Wolfsbane. Severus seemed especially interested in the fact that while Remus remembered some things from his transformations without the potion – mostly images, feeling, sensations, smells – he remembered nothing about his transformations while taking the potion.

Time passed quickly, punctuated occasionally by Severus getting up to feed the fire, pour more tea - _without_ the fortification – or do something in the kitchen that resulted in the most wonderful smells.

They were just resettling themselves – Severus had gone to the kitchen; Remus to the loo – and Severus was engrossed in his notes when Remus changed the subject.

"I hope that's our dinner that smells so good."

Severus looked up with a distracted expression. "Oh, yes. It's just mutton stew."

"Smells wonderful." Remus stomach agreed with a noisy rumble. He grinned apologetically. "Do you have many more questions?"

The corners of Severus' mouth curled upwards a little. "Just two." He shuffled the parchments.

Twenty minutes later, they were heading for the kitchen. Remus had retrieved the bottle of wine he'd shrunk and put in a coat pocket, and Severus set the little kitchen table for two. The stew was savoury and full of meat and vegetables. There was crusty bread with local butter, and fruit and local cheese for afters.

"You like living here?" Remus leaned back with his glass of wine.

Severus nodded. He seemed more relaxed than Remus had ever known him. "The locals are good people. They don't judge or pry, though I'm sure they talk among themselves. They leave me alone, happily sell me local produce, milk, cheese, eggs and anything else they can, and there are even a few lads who are competent enough to forage for certain plants for me. I'm sure they think I'm odd, but they accept that. In turn, I brew a few cold remedies and whatnot, and we get along fine." He cut a slice off an apple. "I find I enjoy being peaceful."

"You brew here?"

"Oh, yes. I have an owl order business that provides me with extras not allowed on my _hero's pension_ , and I'm quite comfortable."

"You don't miss any of… it?"

His mouth twisted in a grimace. "What? The lying, spying, using others, being used, death, betrayal, hatred and crazy old wizards?"

Remus made a face. "Yeah, that."

"No." Severus sipped his wine. "I've found it incredibly difficult to stop being a suspicious, argumentative, confrontational, venomous bastard, but it doesn't serve me anymore. That's one reason I didn't want to come to the Ministry."

"But you did."

He shrugged. "I always liked a challenge. One reason I don't mingle with anyone there is that, well, I never did like people much and still can't stand idiots, but I didn't want to fall back into my old ways of acting. And people _will_ expect me to." He frowned at his wine. "I certainly seem forthcoming; you didn't put anything in the wine, did you?"

Remus laughed. "No. Maybe it's just that for some four and a half hours, I've shared personal, revealing details of myself with you. Put you off your guard, or something."

"Perhaps. Frightening thought." Severus got up and cleared the table with a swish of his wand. He set the dished to washing themselves and Remus rose. The clock on the mantle struck ten as they entered the room.

"You'll come tomorrow night for your transformation." Severus straightened the already straight things on his desk.

"What? No! Absolutely not." Remus suddenly felt cold, off guard.

"Why not?" Severus looked genuinely surprised. "It will be safe here, and I need to observe you."

"No." Remus shook his head stubbornly. "No one witnesses my transformation."

Severus look impatient. "This isn't some sadistic curiosity, you know. I need the information."

Remus took a deep breath and tried to steady his racing heart. "I told you earlier, I feel… panicked. It's hideously painful, terrifying, and… and… _vulnerable_ , embarrassing, and… _no._ " He found he was trembling, and he hated it.

"All right." Severus looked thoughtful. "How about you come here, but I will leave you alone until the transformation is complete. Then I can observe the wolf."

"You give your word?"

"Of course." Severus looked impatient. "I don't understand the problem, though."

"I don't imagine you would." Remus couldn't help the bitterness in his voice. "I never remember empathy being a strong point of yours."

Severus stilled, and quiet filled the room.

"Sorry." Remus ran a hand through his hair.

"Stop apologizing." Severus snapped.

Remus gave a shaky laugh. "Yeah, guess some things haven't changed." He gave Severus a long look. "All right. I'll come tomorrow. You give me privacy for the change, then if you want, you can observe the wolf. I hope you don't mind watching a large lycanthrope sleep, because that's apparently what I do." He gave a mirthless laugh. "Not that I'd know, but what else _might_ I be doing?"

"Indeed." Severus looked thoughtful. "I believe I'll manage. It can't be more boring than Albus' staff meetings."

A laugh overtook Remus and he relaxed.

"Look, the weather's still filthy, and will remain so for the next few days. I will set my Floo to allow you entrance, if you wish. Save you time, as well."

"You'd do that?" Remus brightened. It was still pouring down buckets outside.

"What's your Floo address?" Severus pulled his wand.

~~

Remus arrived about an hour before moonrise, twitchy, itchy and irritable as he always was. He paced, scratching at his arms and snapping at Severus, shivering in spite of the fire. For once, Severus seemed to go out of his way not to antagonize Remus, perhaps sensing that there was nothing personal in what he was saying or doing.

He had prepared the room by placing cushioning charms on everything so Remus wouldn't hurt himself thrashing around. There were thick blankets on the floor in front of the fire, and the bowl of water Remus had asked for in the corner. Remus would be confined to the living room for the change.

Severus left Remus alone for the change, and when Remus awoke in the morning, he was deep in a nest of warm blankets, a soft pillow under his head. Severus allowed him peace to gradually orient himself, then fed him breakfast. Only after Remus' third cup of tea did he question him about what he remembered.

There wasn't much. Nothing, in fact. The only thing different was that Remus was a little more tired than usual, but also more relaxed.

Severus sighed. "What we expected, in other words."

Remus fell asleep sitting on the couch after breakfast, and Severus let him doze. It was noon before Remus left, feeling better than usual.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Snape didn't watch the transformation. He had, after all, given his word. When the appalling sounds in the living room gave way to silence, he cautiously opened the door. On the blankets on the floor lay the werewolf, and for a moment, Snape' heart felt as though it would burst with fear. He subdued his reaction quickly, however, and by the time the wolf sighed, then heaved himself to unsteady feet, Snape felt no more than curiosity. The wolf shuffled over to the bowl of water and drank slowly. When finished, he paused for a moment, then stretched; first arching his back and throwing his head back, then lowering his head and stretching his paws out in front of him with his arse in the air, displaying the largest set of bollocks Snape had ever seen on man or dog. Rising, the wolf shook himself vigorously, then looked around the room with bright interest. When his gaze landed on Snape, his head came up, his ears pricked, and his tail rose.

Snape swallowed a bit nervously, then lowered his eyes. Lupin had warned him that canines and lupines of all kinds, but especially werewolves, considered a direct stare into the eyes as a challenge. Snape had no desire to challenge this beast, Wolfsbane or no. He had, in fact, much different ideas.

"Would you like to nap by the fire?" His voice was a bit rough and he cleared his throat.

The wolf – no, Lupin – approached and sniffed his hand. Snape touched the big head tentatively, then entered into the room fully. Lupin wandered around, sniffing things as though reassuring himself that this was a familiar place, then he sat down and scratched his ear. Snape suppressed a nervous laugh.

"So. We are to determine how much you understand of normal conversation. Was your transformation any easier than usual?"

Lupin stared at him.

"Are you hungry?"

Lupin blinked.

Snape sighed. They really hadn't thought anything else would happen, but they'd decided to try.

"Do you want to fuck?"

Snape felt his face go hot. He hadn't meant to say that. At least, not yet; not in so many words. _What if Lupin remembers?_

Snape was _quite sure_ that wouldn't happen. But being quite sure wasn't the same as being certain. Not that it wasn't too late. The words were spoken, and the wolf was just staring at him. Besides, if he had his way, that would be the least of Lupin's memories he'd have to worry about.

"Right." He went to the mantle and poured himself a Firewhiskey.

After turning around twice, Lupin flopped down on the blankets with a groan, but continued to watch Snape with interest.

"You know," Snape eased himself down on the floor beside Lupin, his back against the couch and his legs stretched in front of him. "Even though I am a genius and a master brewer, I didn't think this would work. Not the first time, anyway, and not all at once. We'll have to see when you transform back if you remember anything." He reached out and stroked the soft fur. "I think we _can_ formulate the Wolfsbane so you can understand and remember some things, but I expect it will take time and a lot of trials, so don't be disappointed. I'll need to figure out just what it is in the Wolfsbane that is blocking the rudimentary memories that you used to be able to retain." He smiled as he sipped his drink. _Talking to the beast as though he were human._

Well, he supposed he was, in a way. He was Lupin, after all. Sort of. OK, not really, not in any way that mattered.

The big animal laid his head in Snape's lap and sighed. Then his ears pricked and he sniffed. Before Snape knew what was happening, the wolf buried his nose in Snape's crotch and sniffed deeply.

With a moan, Snape' head tipped back against the couch and his eyes closed. His heart went into over-drive as all the fantasies of the past twenty-odd years flooded his body with adrenaline. 

He couldn't remember when they had started – or when he'd been without them. Thoughts of the werewolf had haunted his dreams ever since that night in the tunnel. At first, they were terror-filled visions of the wolf running him down, leaping on his back, closing his teeth on his neck. At first, he had awoken shivering and sweating in terror, but at some point, the terror had morphed into something else, and the dreams had continued past the point of capture: the wolf had torn his clothes, had pinned him down, had mounted him.

Satisfied, the wolf sighed and closed his eyes. Soon, his breathing was deep and slow, and soft snores made Snape smile to himself. He sipped his whiskey and relaxed, wondering if he might doze as well.

He awoke because he was cold. The fire was low and the warm, heavy head that had lain in his lap was gone. He felt a surge of panic as he scrambled to his feet, then nearly fell as his leg, numb from lack of circulation, almost buckled. He wiped a shaky hand over his face in relief as he caught sight of the wolf in the kitchen.

Rubbing his leg impatiently, he limped to the kitchen, where the wolf was gazing out a window. At first, Snape thought he was watching something, then realized that he was just looking around.

"You don't have to take a piss, do you?" He and Lupin hadn't talked about that possibility.

The wolf turned from the window and regarded him with interest.

"Damn." Snape looked around the kitchen, then pulled a couple of tea towels out of a drawer and transfigured them into a collar and leash.

"You're not running loose, you know. Too many sheep." He reached for the wolf's head, collar in hand.

The wolf twisted away, his lips curling back and a deep growl surging up from his chest. Snape froze, sure his heart had stopped beating.

"All right." He moved slowly to transfigure the tea towels back to their original state, and set them on the table. "See? No leash." He held out his hands, palm up. "But I can't let you out; I didn't prepare for that."

The wolf stared at him for a few moments, ears back and tail down, then walked stiffly to the table and lifted his leg.

"You can't...!" Snape bit off his shout when the big head swung toward him and the wolf displayed an impressive set of teeth.

After thoroughly marking the table leg and without a backward glance, the werewolf headed for the living room. Calling down all manner of imprecatory curses on Lupin's head, Snape vehemently _Scourgified_ the kitchen and left without even waiting to see it the table leg stopped smouldering.

In the living room, he walked carefully around the wolf who was curled up in front of the fire. Snape used his wand to rebuild the fire and add wood so he didn't need to disturb the wolf, then sat at his desk to make notes until his nerves were once again calm.

This wasn't going according to plan.

Or perhaps it was nothing more than a fantasy, like so many other things in his life.

Snape finally put his ink and quill away, rubbed his hands over his face, stood and stretched. He looked over to discover the wolf was watching him.

"I hope you don't carry a grudge."

One ear flicked.

"Mm." Snape changed into the dressing gown he'd brought down that afternoon, and went about making up the couch for sleeping. The wolf stood and watched with apparent interest. When he was done, he sat on the floor again with his back to the couch.

"So, Mr. Werewolf. Mr. Lupin. What are you thinking? I doubt your brain has the capability of thinking in human terms – you'd need language for that, and you don't seem to understand me."

The big animal came close and Snape tensed for a moment when it sniffed his face. "Do you recognize me, I wonder?"

The wolf stepped over his legs and stood straddling his lap, his ribs a few inches from Snape's face.

"What?" Snape reached up and ran his fingers through the ruff on the werewolf's neck. The fur was thick and soft. Tentatively, Snape leaned forward a bit and stroked his cheek against the wolf's flank. _So soft._ He started stroking the wolf's back with long, gentle motions and felt the great beast relax. When his hand got to the base of the big brush of a tail, the wolf arched up into his touch slightly. Snape scratched, and the wolf rocked his weight back and forth under Snape's hand to accentuate the motion.

Snape gave a low chuckle. "Like that, do you?" He scratched a little harder and was rewarded with a big sigh.

Smoothing the fur on the solid rump, he resisted the temptation to run his hand down the fuzzy tail. He knew some cats hated having their tails touched, and he didn't want to take a chance that the wolf felt the same way. He stroked down through the feathers on the back leg, paying close attention for any sign that the wolf was displeased by his actions, but the big animal's eyes were half shut and he seemed utterly relaxed.

Snape slipped his hand around and stroked the inside of the leg. When there was no reaction, he did it again, letting the backs of his fingers brush against the big, hairy bollocks. The third time he did this, the wolf's head drooped a little, and his mouth opened. His breathing was slow and relaxed, and Snape turned his hand and cupped the tempting bollocks. When the wolf didn't respond, he fondled them, lifting slightly to feel their heft, then massaging them lightly.

They were hot and heavy and firm, and Snape's cock stiffened painfully.

Now, Severus Snape was a practical man, and a scientist at heart. Before undertaking a new challenge, he liked to collect as much data as possible. Since the end of the war, and as he was living in a mostly Muggle village instead of a strictly Wizarding school, he had been revisiting one of the favourite haunts of his childhood, the public library. He had been amazed by the advances in computers. They had been common enough when he was a boy, but the things they could do now! And the information that was available was astounding, not that you didn't have to sift through a lot of dross to find it.

There was information about _everything,_ and, with the aid of a privacy charm and the computer equivalent of an Obliviate when he was finished, Snape had learned that he was not the only one who dreamed of werewolf cock. He might be the only one who knew it actually existed, but there were sites out there, well, suffice it to say that some folks had very vivid imaginations.

Snape had found, among other things, a number of articles about how to wank a dog. Assuming that werewolves weren't _that_ different, Snape slid his hand forward and lightly stroked the large, furred sheath. The werewolf started to pant lightly, and, emboldened, Snape squeezed just a little. Yes, he could feel the baculum, and the small knob that would swell into the knot that was intended to lock the cock inside the bitch until the breeding was complete.

Snape used his other hand to fumble his dressing gown open, and a soft sound escaped his lips as he felt the first splash of the wolf's precome on his heated genitals.

Moving his hand behind the knob, Snape took a deep breath, a tighter grip, and pulled firmly. The wolf responded by bracing his hind legs. Snape pulled again, and again, and suddenly the big animal started humping into his fist. He could feel the knot swelling in front of his hand and increased the speed of his short strokes.

Precome was flowing steadily now, soaking Snape's crotch, and when the wolf stopped humping his hand, he felt the first pulses of semen pass beneath his fingers. He stroked gently while the wolf continued to pump the contents of those massive bollocks all over his own lap, and it seemed like forever until the flow thinned, then stopped. He stopped stroking, and just left his hand resting lightly on the wolf's sheath.

With a sigh, the wolf moved away just far enough to flop on his side. Snape nearly gasped at the sight of his cock. It was _huge_. Long and thick, with a knot the size of a large fist. The wolf started licking himself, and Snape suddenly remembered his own aching cock.

Moaning softly, he wiped his hand through the wolf's seed, then started pulling his own cock in earnest. It didn't take long. The force of his orgasm almost doubled him over, and when he was spent, he leaned his head back and smeared his own come over his cock and bollocks, mingling it with that of the wolf.

He started slightly at the puff of air and the tickle of whiskers. Opening his eyes, he found that the wolf had drawn near and was sniffing his sticky crotch with interest. He let his hands relax at his sides and tried not to twitch as the whiskers brushed the tops of his thighs. Then the wolf started to lick. Snape had to bite back a cry of pleasure as the warm, slightly rough tongue began cleaning him. Again and again, the strong, wet tongue laved his privates, snaking under his bollocks, and wrapping around his cock. When the wolf paused in his ministrations to push his nose further behind Snape's sack and sniff deeply, Snape bent his knees and spread his legs, helpless in his need to offer himself to the wolf's tongue. When the wolf settled himself on the blanket between Snape's legs, he slid down further and, gripping his knees, pulled his legs as high and far apart as he could. It was humiliating, degrading, dirty and blissfully wonderful.

The wolf seemed determined to work his tongue all the way into Snape, and before he had given up, Snape was hard again, writhing against the insistent tongue. Then the wolf stood and turned his attention once again to Snape's cock, and before long, it was spurting another load onto his stomach. This the wolf lapped eagerly, then went back to Snape's cock, perhaps looking for more.

The strong, slow strokes were torture on Snape's overly-sensitive member, and he started to push the wolf away, but when the big animal froze and a growl rumbled in his chest, Snape grabbed his knees and spread himself again.

Apparently satisfied that Snape knew who was in charge, the wolf went back to cleaning Snape up, and in a mercifully short time he completed the task and turned to curl up by the fire.

Shaking, Snape lowered his legs and rubbed out the cramp that was starting in his thigh. He then shifted up onto the couch, pulled his dressing gown around himself, lay down and covered up with a blanket. His mind was a whirl of unformed thoughts and sensations, and despite his conviction that he was bound to be awake all night, he fell into a deep sleep almost instantly.

~~

The wolf was pawing at him.

"What?" Snape rubbed his face, trying to wake up. Moonlight flooded the room, and the angle of the shadows told him it was sometime after midnight.

A strong paw hooked behind his shoulders and rolled him off the couch. He let out an undignified squawk and scrambled to disentangle himself from the blanket and dressing gown. He finally just pulled everything off and was starting to sort it out from his seat on the floor when the wolf pawed at his hip again. He looked at him for the first time.

The werewolf was panting and agitated, and Snape was at a loss until he caught sight of the wolf's sheath with about a half inch of penis protruding. A combination of adrenaline and hormones flooded his system, and instinctually, he moved to position himself on hands and knees.

_Was this it? Was this to be the fulfilment of all his fantasies?_

The wolf mounted him eagerly and began to thrust immediately. Unfortunately, he wasn't close to where Snape intended his target to be. Reaching back, Snape managed to grasp the moving sheath and guide the wolf's cock in more or less the right direction. He hissed as the baculum-stiffened penis jabbed him everywhere but the right place, and he desperately tried to angle his hips to provide a better target. And then, _yes!_

He cried out as the wolf's cock found its mark, and the wolf powered it home. Bracing himself more fully, he lowered his head and gave himself over to the battering strokes of the wolf. He could feel the knot banging against him, too big to get inside, but the cock itself was big and stiff and the wolf's hips were jack-hammering against him.

He had never felt anything so electrifying, so _raw_ as the mating force of this beast.

Groaning, he sank to his elbows, and too soon, the wolf stopped thrusting and Snape felt rivulets of come running down the backs of his thighs. Then the wolf was dismounting and flopping to the floor. His cock was still spurting come, and without thinking, Snape turned and took the tip of that cock in his mouth.

To Snape, it tasted wonderful. He sucked tentatively, not knowing his welcome, but the big beast just lay flat on his side and lifted his back leg. Snape fondled the big bollocks as he sucked, squeezing gently, imagining he was actually milking the come from within them.

When the wolf suddenly stood up, Snape backed off, and for the first time, became aware of his own stiff member.

Three erections in one night! He hadn't done that since he was a teenager. Wrapping his fist around it, he pulled briskly.

The wolf watched with interest as Snape came with a groan, then he heaved himself to his feet and padded over to lick Snape's face. Exhausted, Snape just closed his eyes, enjoying the soothing sensation of the tongue and the pleasant ache in his behind. He jerked his head away when the wolf started to lick his lips, but the wolf just became more insistent.

_Was it the taste of himself?_ Snape wondered.

Then the tongue was pushing between his lips and he tried to pull back, but the feeling of the wolf's teeth against his mouth made him go still.

_What does he want?_ Slowly, against his will, Snape opened his mouth. The wolf's tongue dipped inside, exploring, tasting. Snape felt himself go limp as he gave himself up. This hadn't been part of any fantasy, but… but…. He moaned when the wolf moved away.

After getting a drink of water, the wolf pawed the blankets by the fire into a fresh nest, but instead of lying down, he stood staring at Snape until the wizard pulled his pillow and blanket over into the wolf's bed. With a sigh, the wolf settled beside Snape, and wondering just what he'd let himself in for, Snape feel asleep.

But not for long.

Again, the insistent pawing woke him, and without thinking, he pushed himself to his hands and knees and braced for his animal lover. A quick learner, the wolf found his target almost immediately this time, but again – to Snape's combined disappointment and relief – his knot remained outside.

Though they weren't knotted, the wolf remained draped over Snape's back until the flow of his come slowed, then dismounted slowly and started to lick Snape clean. It was a form of pleasurable torture to have the wolf tonguing his sore hole, but Snape didn't think of resisting. He was a quick learner, too.

There was to be no fourth orgasm for Snape, and soon the two of them were curled up again, soft snores filling the room.

Snape woke when the transformation started. He grabbed his clothes and fled, not wanting to witness the terrible event, but as soon as the sounds died to a very human whimpering, he re-entered the room, covered Lupin with blankets and slid a pillow under his head. It wasn't yet late enough to rise, so Snape settled on the couch fully dressed to catch a little nap. A short hour later, he awoke again, gathered his notes and went quietly to the kitchen.

He had a lot to think about before Lupin awoke.

* * *

"I _threatened_ you? Dear gods, Severus, why didn't you tell me this at once?" Remus couldn't believe what he was hearing. He propped both elbows on Severus' kitchen table and ran his hands through his hair. "That's it then." He took a deep breath. "No more experiments. I will not endanger anyone."

"It wasn't a threat, not really, more of a warning." Snape looked uncomfortable.

"Oh, well, that puts my mind at ease." Remus shook his head. "No, no more. I'm sorry, I know you wanted to have a breakthrough with the Wolfsbane, but no. I'll not take the chance."

" _I'm_ not worried, why should you be? Really, the wolf was just asserting himself. Now that I know not to push him, we'll be fine."

"Why am I worried?" Remus didn't even try to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. "Maybe because I'm the one who will be executed if you are bitten? The laws haven't changed that much, you know. Still no trial, no explanations, just a quick, painless death for the monster, and a setback for all lycanthrope rights." He sighed. "Not to mention another werewolf running around for people to fret over."

Severus' scowl deepened. "You are aware that I _am_ a wizard and perfectly capable of defending myself?"

"I'm not arguing with you."

"Good, then we'll be doing it my way."

"Merlin's balls, you are one stubborn git!" Remus got up and started to pace. "This may be an experiment to you, but it's my _life_."

Severus took a deep breath. "I will protect both of us."

Remus laughed. "You must really want the accolades. Are you that sure you'll have success?"

Severus seemed caught of guard by the question. "I like a challenge."

"Enough to risk our lives over?"

Severus shook his head. "It won't happen." He got up to make them tea. "Can we move along right now? Discuss this at a later time?"

"You think I might forget?"

"Hardly." Severus' mouth twisted. "I'm never lucky."

"You lived, didn't you?" Remus snorted a laugh. "Whatever precipitated the confrontation anyway?"

Severus' back stiffened where he stood at the cooker. "It was just small things."

" _Things?_ Are you now telling me it happened more than once?"

"They were connected so it was only one time, really." Severus wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Explain."

Severus gave a weary sigh. "You were looking outside, I thought you might need to relieve yourself but we didn't plan on that so… I tried to put a collar and leash on you."

Remus felt his eyes growing large. "What in everything you've ever known about me made you think I'd stand for that?"

Severus shrugged and fiddled with his tea cup. "You've always been agreeable."

"And the werewolf? You tried to collar a full grown _werewolf?_ You thought _he'd_ be agreeable, too?"

"All right, I may have misjudged."

"And? What else?"

"I… might have yelled at you."

Remus felt a hysterical laugh start to bubble up. "Whatever for?"

Severus suddenly turned on him. "You relieved yourself on my kitchen table leg."

The laugh burst forth. "I pissed on the table?"

"I didn't find it amusing."

"Oh, dear gods," Remus wiped his watering eyes. "I wish I remembered that."

"I was _not_ amused."

"I'll bet you weren't." Remus grinned. "OK, we'll get back to this part later. What questions do you have?"

It was two days after the moon, and Remus had come at Severus' request to answer questions about his experience.

There wasn't much to tell, really. He remembered nothing.

"But you _do_ remember transformations before the Wolfsbane?" Severus was frowning at his notes.

"Not a lot: images, emotions. And it was from well before the potion."

"Was it?" Severus looked up, his expression keen. "The memories didn't just stop when you took the Wolfsbane?"

"No." Remus frowned in thought. "The memories…." He stared hard at the table top, as though he could find the answer there. "The memories are all from my years at Hogwarts." He looked up, his expression clear. "All the memories I have are from when I was with James and Sirius and Peter." He cocked his head. "Is that significant?"

"It might be." Severus was taking notes. "That means it might not be something in the potion that's blocking the memories." He looked up. "Of course, that might make it harder to figure out why you remember what you did."

"Well, it was a long shot anyway, right?"

"There _are_ other advances to be made with the potion." Severus looked miffed. "Reduction of pain during the transformations, for one. I'd like to see if there is a way to bring more of – " he made a vague gesture " – _you_ to the fore. Your personality, acuity…"

"Make me more agreeable?"

Severus coloured slightly. "I'd be happy if you didn't urinate on the furniture."

Remus failed to stifle a laugh. "All right. I will continue to be your lab rat for the time being. But you must promise me," he waited for Severus to look at him. "You won't put yourself in danger."

"I promise." Severus' voice was soft, and had an odd quality of expression that Remus couldn't place.

Severus had a few more questions, then they chatted a bit, and Remus was surprised to see how much time had passed when he finally stepped into the Floo. Usually, he and Severus didn't visit.

~~

The weeks passed quickly. Once or twice, Remus found himself wondering what Severus was doing, but always gave himself a mental shake. Severus was no doubt doing his job: getting the lab running smoothly, researching potions and terrorizing minions. And Remus needed to be doing _his_ job. He was, of course – everyone's mind wandered once in a while.

He and Severus had never been friends. For a brief time in school, he had thought the clever Slytherin might be interesting to get to know, but James and Sirius had taken a rabid dislike to Severus. As wrong as Remus felt James and Sirius were, he didn't feel too sorry for Severus as the Slytherin gave as good as he got, and usually a little more. Remus had felt a sly respect for Severus for that, but then, any hope of even so much as a civil relationship went out the window with the Prank.

During the brief period he saw Severus in the First War, he had been intolerable, and it had taken Dumbledore's stern leadership to keep some in the Order from hexing Severus blind. When Remus had gone to teach at Hogwarts, Severus seemed much the same; his undying hatred for Sirius poisoning every interaction Remus had had with him.

Now, it seemed as though Severus had finally let go of the old wounds and injustices. Oh, not completely of course, who could? But as he said, the war was over. He was still prickly and quick to anger, but he was now almost as quick to let the anger go. Perhaps nearly dying had that effect on Severus. Remus wondered if the contrariness was habit more than anything else.

Remus shook his head. Here he was, thinking about Severus again! Maybe, he smiled to himself, he just needed to find someone, get laid. He wouldn't mind being in a relationship now. He had a good job, respect, decent clothes. He grinned as he remembered Severus' remark. He _could_ use a haircut.

He sighed. He was probably just lonely. Maybe he should get a cat.

~~

Late on the afternoon of the full moon, Remus stepped out of the Floo into Severus' living room. He noticed that the nest of blankets was already in place, and for some reason the sight of it made Remus shiver. In the kitchen, going over last minute questions and plans, he was too restless to sit.

"You're different tonight. What is it?" Snape frowned from where he sat at the table taking notes.

"I don't know." Remus rubbed his arms. "You're right, though."

"Is it fear?"

"No more than usual."

"Anxiety?"

Remus shook his head. "Not really. Nerves, yes, but…. It's almost….." He paced, searching for the right word. Suddenly he stopped and frowned. "It's almost like anticipation."

Severus' quill paused over his notes. "Apprehensive anticipation?"

"I don't…," Remus ran a hand through his hair. "Not really, no. No more than usual." He shuddered. It was almost time. "Is the room ready?"

"Yes." Severus rose from the table.

"I think I better go in then." Remus turned to Severus with a frown. "Remember your promise."

Severus nodded. "I will."

Closing the door behind him, Remus quickly shucked off his clothes and lay down just before the ordeal started.

~~

The sun was well up when Remus awoke, snug under the blankets. He stretched a little at a time, working the kinks out of all his joints, then rose, dressed and headed for the kitchen.

Severus looked up from where he was working at the table. "I was starting to wonder if you were planning on becoming a permanent fixture." He rose, put on tea and uncovered a plate that sat on the cooker. A cloud of warm, fragrant steam filled the kitchen.

"Sit."

He plunked down the plate, heaped with eggs, beans, sausage, and a mess of mushrooms and tomatoes, then got the tea.

Remus stomach rumbled and he felt a smile stretch his face. "I'm starving, Severus, thank you." He started with a long drink of tea. "You certainly are being kind to me."

Severus scowled. "I thought some form of compensation for being my _lab rat_ might be appropriate, but if you want, I could just stuff you in the Floo as soon as your transformation is complete. Or is it just that you think I am devoid of all human decency?"

Setting down his fork, Remus held his hands up in surrender. "I wasn't implying a thing!" He gave Severus a long look. "I'm just not used to waking up in a warm bed after a transformation. Or being served a marvellous breakfast, either. I appreciate it, believe me."

Severus poured himself tea and went back to his notes. "How do you feel?"

"Better," Remus was a bit surprised. "Tired, but it's more the fatigue that comes after a day of hard work than the bone-weary exhaustion that usually follows a transformation. And my joints are less painful."

"Good." Severus underlined something in the notes, then added several more lines of scratchy shorthand at the bottom.

"How was I?"

"What do you mean?" Severus didn't look up.

"You know perfectly well what I mean. How was I with you?"

_Was that a faint flush behind the curtain of hair?_

Severus looked up, face and voice bland. "You didn't urinate on any of the furniture, if that's what you mean. Nor did you threaten me. I went out in the yard with you. The boundary charms worked, naturally, but the wolf wasn't pleased to be confined. He marked everything within the limits of the charms and didn't want to come back inside, but I eventually managed to persuade him. Obviously."

He refilled both tea cups.

"Next time, I'd like to try going out of the yard. Using a binding charm, of course." He added the last as Remus opened his mouth to protest.

"Too dangerous." Remus shook his head.

"I disagree, but I'm willing to put off that decision until the next transformation."

"Until I'm unable to argue with you?"

Severus smirked. "Perhaps. The wolf was different this time. He may simply be getting used to the surroundings, and to me, but he seemed calmer, more… _agreeable._ "

"Well, I certainly have a greater sense of well-being than I usually do afterwards. Whatever alterations you made seem to be having a positive affect."

"I'll continue in the direction I'm going then. What about memories?"

Remus chewed the last of the toast thoughtfully. "None. Sorry."

"Well." _Was that a touch of relief Remus heard in his voice?_ "I believe there may be something else going on there, but one thing at a time. All right?"

"I'm pleased." Remus pushed back from the table. "And if you keep treating me this way, I'd be happy to be your lab rat forever."

They both blinked, and Remus wondered where _that_ had come from.

Since he was feeling so well, they decided to continue with the de-briefing rather than Remus making another trip the following day. Remus pleaded for a hot bath first, and Severus tidied the kitchen until he was back, freshly shaved and smelling of Severus' shampoo. By the time the conversation wound down that afternoon, the sun was setting.

"I have steak and kidney pie, if you'd like." Severus was sorting his notes.

"Oh." Remus felt a strong urge to stay. "I… I'd like that, but I promised Molly."

Severus just nodded. "I'll work on the alterations for next time then."

Remus felt oddly disappointed. "Oh course."

He Flooed directly to the Weasleys' and found he was distracted all through dinner. Fortunately, the whirl of chaos that always seemed to be part of any Weasley family gathering offered a form of cover, and a lot of smiling and nodding got him through the evening unremarked.

* * *

Snape slipped into the room and waited quietly by the door while the wolf went through his routine of drinking, stretching and shaking. Then he turned those golden eyes on Snape with a look that needed no explanation, and which caused Snape's cock to harden instantly. The wolf walked over to him, sniffed his groin, then grabbed a mouthful of dressing gown and tugged. Snape stumbled over to the blanket nest, shedding the dressing gown, which was his only piece of clothing, as he went. The wolf hardly waited until he was on all fours, mounting him from the side at first, then as Snape arranged himself, moving behind.

After the last moon and seriously thinking about the consequences for all of about five minutes, Snape had decided to do some preparation for this night. He knew the dangers, knew it would be painful, but he _wanted_ to feel the knot of the wolf inside him. He wanted to be tied to his animal lover until the big beast was through with him. Through breeding him. Through making him his _mate._

Snape had researched charms to relax his muscles, but they weren't really specific enough, and he had decided to use non-magical, Muggle means. He had overcome his embarrassment and ordered a series of butt plugs in graduated sizes – under a false name, of course – and created his own lube. For days before the moon, he had worked his way up through the plugs until he could, with only a little discomfort, wear the largest of the plugs for hours at a time. But he had seen the wolf's knot, and he just hoped his preparations would be enough.

The wolf thrust slowly, seeking entrance, and Snape adjusted his stance a little. Then he gasped as the hard, hot cock found its target and slid deep. Overcome with the feeling, Snape almost forgot to follow the suggestions of one of the more helpful websites. He reached back and, hooking his fingers around the back of one hind leg, he tugged the wolf forward each time he thrust. The thrusts were coming faster now, harder, as the wolf tried to sink deep enough inside his bitch's body to anchor his knot.

One last tug and Snape felt the knot slip inside. The wolf increased his pace and the knot quickly swelled to the point where it wouldn't slide out. Snape moaned as he released his grip on the wolf's leg and settled in to enjoy the ride. He belonged to the wolf now.

Faster, harder, Snape could feel the wolf's come flooding his insides. It felt hot, copious, and _right._

Then the wolf stilled, but the knot continued to swell as his cock continued to pulse. Snape whimpered, sure he would be torn open as the knot grew and hot pain coursed through him. But there was naught he could do to escape. He sank to his elbows, but it made no difference. The huge knot would keep him tied to his lover until those great bollocks had emptied themselves inside his body.

The wolf leaned down and licked his cheek, and Snape realized that it was tears the wolf was washing away.

They remained motionless, tied together, for what seemed forever, then the wolf shifted restlessly, and tried to move away. Snape gave a sharp cry as the knot pulled free of his body with a sucking pop, and he collapsed on the blanket feeling cold and bereft. And then the wolf was there with his warm, strong tongue, cleaning Snape and massaging the trembling muscles in his behind until they returned to normal. He licked the backs of Snape's thighs, then put his nose under Snape's leg and nudged. Snape obediently rolled onto his side, lifted his leg and offered his genitals to the wolf. He wasn't hard now, but it only took a few strokes of the wolf's tongue to bring his cock to full, throbbing attention, and he moaned as he let the big animal lick him to release.

The second time the wolf came to him, he got into position eagerly. It was after that mating that Snape had introduced the wolf to the carefully charmed yard. The wolf had bounded out, but pulled up short with a yelp when he hit the barrier. He growled, sniffing the air carefully and stalking back and forth until he had learned the extent of his freedom. While he was clearly not pleased, he didn't seem to connect the barrier with Snape, and after marking the entire circuit, he lay down on the tiny lawn and looked at the moon.

Wearing just his dressing gown, Snape was starting to get cold. He tried to call the wolf inside, but the big animal ignored him. Finally, he had stripped off his dressing gown, and calling the wolf one last time, walked through the open door. The wolf bounced in behind him and was on him before he got to the blankets by the hearth.

But the fourth time, he was slow to respond to the wolf's urgings. Healing charms and soothing ointments aside, his backside _hurt_ , and he decided to try and keep the knot outside his body this time. After pawing at him impatiently, the wolf mounted him aggressively, wrapping his front legs around Snape's waist to hold him still. All too soon, the knot was banging against his entrance and he started to squirm, hoping to keep it from pushing inside.

He froze in terror at the feel of a sharp nip to his shoulder. Adrenalin overwhelmed his system at the certainty that the wolf had broken the skin, infected him.

Then, common sense exerted itself; the wolf hadn't bitten hard enough, it was just a pinch, just a warning.

When Snape had stilled, the wolf's knot had slipped inside, and now the wolf moved his paws to hang over Snape's shoulders and he yanked back with each powerful thrust of his hips. Snape stayed quietly, head hanging, submitting completely to the wolf.

When the wolf's thrusts slowed and stopped, Snape lowered his shoulders to the floor and the wolf stood over him. He waited, mind blank with pain, for the knot to start to shrink.

He started slightly when the wolf started licking his shoulder, soothing the spot he had pinched. It felt good, and Snape relaxed slightly. When the copulation was complete, and the knot shrunk enough to pull out, Snape remained, bum in the air, for the wolf to tend to him as he had before. It hurt this time, but he remained passive, and soon enough the wolf was finished and had moved on to cleaning himself. After the first two times, the wolf had not tried to bring Snape off, seeming to sense that it wouldn't work.

Snape crawled to the nest of blankets and lay on his side, staring at the fire. He was drifting off when the wolf stretched out behind him, and relaxing into the soft warmth of the wolf's flank, he slept.

He awoke when the transformation started, and bolted from the room. As before, he returned to place a pillow under Lupin's head, and cover his shivering body with blankets. Against his will, he found his eyes roaming over Lupin's long, lean limbs, taking in the strong shoulders, narrow hips and… no. He wasn't looking. Besides, he had no interest in the man. Once, maybe, long ago, but that had died like most of Snape's dreams.

After a hot bath, liberal use of the healing charms and ointment, Snape dressed and went down to take short nap on the couch. He slept far longer than he'd planned, but Lupin was still breathing deeply when he awoke, so Snape was off to the kitchen. He was hungry and made a big breakfast, putting Lupin's share under a stasis charm on the cooker. After polishing off the big plate of food, a couple slices of toast and numerous cups of tea, he tidied up and reached for his quill and notes. He found if he sat carefully, and didn't more around in the chair, he was relatively comfortable.

He started with a formula for a stronger version of Wound Ease, and smiled grimly as he realized that he had no plan of slacking off on his activities with the wolf. For once, he was getting something he wanted, and he wasn't giving it up. He had dealt with far greater pain for far smaller reward.

Lupin stumbled into the kitchen around noon looking tousled and unshaven. Snape fed him and plied him liberally with cups of tea, and he seemed to gradually wake up. After the first round of basic questions, Lupin suggested that they finish the interview today so he wouldn't have to come back on the morrow, and Snape agreed. Lupin went to get cleaned up, and Severus wondered why he felt torn between the anticipation of an afternoon with Lupin, and the disappointment that he wouldn't be seeing him the next day.

His hands stopped in the middle of making another pot of tea. Why was he even thinking about Lupin at all?

The afternoon was relaxed and enjoyable. Lupin knew enough about potions to ask intelligent questions and offer reasonable suggestions, and Snape found himself offering dinner as the sun was going down.

Lupin seemed almost disappointed as he declined, but Snape just nodded. Probably just as well. He had wondered once or twice that afternoon, whether or not he had slipped in some way. He was sure of his words, but had Lupin detected something? Snape had caught him looking at him too closely for comfort a time or two.

On the bottom of the last page of his notes, Snape wrote in large letters, _Don't underestimate Lupin._ He underlined it heavily and put the notes away. He'd have his steak and kidney pie with a tall glass of ale and go to bed early.

* * *

Remus was feeling generally pleased with life. That was a bit unusual, so soon after a moon, but he wasn't complaining. He equated it to Severus' work on the Wolfsbane, and the care he gave Remus afterward. It was nice to be looked after a bit, though odd that it should be Severus doing it.

Work was going well; the new recruits were progressing nicely, as were the advanced classes. Harry, Remus had to admit, was a thoroughly formidable wizard, though he didn't seem to acknowledge or relish his power. All the better, Remus thought. No need for another megalomaniac in the Wizarding world.

He wondered, occasionally, how Severus' work on the Wolfsbane was coming, but refrained from visiting the lab. There was no point in bothering the man, and he might not even take the time to talk to Remus. They were here to work, after all.

The prescribed four days before the moon, Remus was knocking on the door to Severus' office at exactly half-eight. The door opened on its own, and Remus stepped inside as Severus rose from his desk to go to the long table that stood against one side of the room. He poured the Wolfsbane into the silver cup that was an integral part of the potion, and offered it to Remus without a word.

Remus took a deep breath and downed it all in one go. He felt a pleasant surprise as the liquid went down.

"You've changed it!" He couldn't help the grimace that followed the last swallow. "It still tastes as vile, but it's not so _slimy._ " He handed the goblet back with a smile of gratitude. "Much easier to get down."

Severus gave a curt nod and picked up a quill to add a brief addition to his notes.

"Tomorrow then." Remus watched him closely. He hadn't said a word, so far.

"Of course." Severus' voice was a bit rough, as though he hadn't spoken much that morning.

Remus hesitated a moment, but when Severus said nothing more, he left. A bit odd, that, but maybe he had other things on his mind.

~~

The afternoon of the moon, Remus had to restrain himself from going to Severus' house too early. He was far more restless than usual, but there wasn't an increased nervousness, just…. Well, he wasn't sure what it was.

He was no better articulating it for Severus who tried asking a number of questions to draw out the information, but Remus couldn't pinpoint his feelings.

Finally, twitchy and frustrated, Remus retired to the living room for the change.

Again, he slept until noon, and awoke feeling unusually refreshed. After another big breakfast, lots of tea and a hot bath, he felt almost energized. There was, however, a slight… something… he couldn't place nagging at the back of his mind.

Severus wasn't very communicative and didn't have as many questions as usual, so Remus left in just a few hours, slightly puzzled by Severus' rather surly behaviour, and still trying to capture his elusive thoughts.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

When Snape knelt by the fire, the wolf came and bumped against his chest, licking Snape's face as he waved his big brush of a tail. Snape ruffled his hands through the thick, soft fur on the wolf's shoulders and when the wolf bumped him harder, and pawed at him, he was only too willing to turn onto his hands and knees.

The mating was gloriously rough, and Snape had to brace himself to keep from getting pushed away in spite of the wolf's grip around his waist. Once knotted, Snape closed his eyes and lost himself in the feelings: the burning stretch in his arse, the hot flood of his lover's seed, the feeling of being joined in the most primal of bonds.

It was after their second coupling – and a short nap – that Severus took the wolf into the yard, and after weaving a complex net of spells binding the two of them together, he dropped the barriers around his tiny yard.

The wolf leapt forward, then slowed and stopped about seven metres from Snape. He looked back, slightly puzzled, but with no sign of annoyance. Snape breathed a sigh of relief. They walked down the hill through a thick strand of trees to a stream below. The wolf nosed about, occasionally digging at something or wading in the frigid water. Snape kept their wanderings to the trees though they were protected by every remotely appropriate charm he knew. He did wonder, if the wolf bolted off in pursuit of something, would he literally drag Snape with him? Lupin, and the wolf, out-weighed Snape by a good stone and a half, and with four feet for traction, Snape wasn't entirely sure he could stop the wolf's forward progress. He _was_ sure that he would, at the least, make it impossible for the wolf to overtake anything he chased.

What was going on in that big head right now? The one that had just extracted itself from a pile of rotting leaves and was now sneezing mightily. How much of Lupin was in the mind of the wolf? He didn't remember anything that happened, but what about _now?_

About an hour later when they were walking back along the shoulder of the hill, Severus' hand resting on the wolf's head, he decided to try out his idea. Part of wanting to take the wolf for a stroll in the moonlight was the possibility that maybe, just maybe, he could act out his recurring dream, his fantasy, the nightmare-turned-wet-dream that had haunted him since sixth year.

Taking a deep breath, he started to run. The wolf seemed to hesitate, then bounded after him. He ran as hard as he could, knowing the wolf could easily over-take him, hoping against hope….

The wolf hit his back hard, sending him sprawling. There was growling as the wolf grabbed his cloak and yanked from side to side. Snape knew, deep inside, that the wolf was playing with him, but it didn't matter, not to his fantasy. And then the wolf was on him, thrusting deep and fast. The big jaws closed gently on the back of Snape's neck and he almost wept at the intensity of the emotions that flooded him. This was it. This was the nightmarish erotic fantasy come to life.

~~

When the wolf pulled free and the cold breeze struck Snape's back, he shuddered deeply and staggered to his feet. He was fairly certain he'd heard the fabric at the back of the cloak tear, but he'd wait until he was inside, in the warmth, before he checked. He pulled the cloak, the only garment he wore, close around him and stood for a moment, head down, eyes closed, breathing deeply until his tumultuous emotions subsided.

Finally, drawing a long, slow breath he looked up, and saw the wolf sitting a few feet away. The big animal was watching him with an intensity that was unfamiliar. His ears were up, but there was not the raised-head, bright-eyed curiosity with which he usually watched Snape when he was doing something new and unfamiliar.

He was just staring.

It unnerved Snape a bit, and he waved his arm in the direction of the cottage.

"Ready to go in?"

For a heartbeat, he wondered if the wolf would move, then the big animal got up and headed for home, staying a short distance in front of Snape instead of at his side.

Once inside, the wolf went straight to the living room. Snape left his boots by the door and followed. He found and repaired the small tear where the back of the collar was stitched onto the cloak, and after giving the garment a quick cleaning, he hung it up and turned to the fire.

The wolf was watching him.

Snape hesitated a moment before joining the wolf on the blankets, sinking slowly to his knees, then stretching out beside the big animal. Once settled, the wolf turned his gaze to the fire, and Snape moved close to the soft warmth of his lover.

The wolf did not wake him before moonset for another rough coupling as he had done the previous months, and Snape did not awaken until the change started. He left quickly, returning a short time later to cover Lupin's shivering body, gather his notes, and go to the kitchen.

_What was going on in the wolf's mind?_

Snape sipped his tea and rubbed a hand over his face. They knew that Lupin remembered nothing of his time as the wolf, but what did the wolf remember of his time as Lupin? Or his previous times as a wolf? Clearly, the wolf remembered Snape and the house from one moon to the next, but what did he remember about the past.

_Did he remember the time in the tunnel?_

Lupin said he had certain memories from his transformations at Hogwarts.

_Why only then? And what if he started remembering now?_

Snape wondered idly if Obliviate would work on the werewolf. He didn't think it'd ever been tried.

_What if he starts to remember?_

Snape broke out in a cold sweat. That must not happen. He couldn't bear the ridicule and disgust Lupin was sure to heap on his head for wanting a werewolf lover. A little voice in the back of his mind whispered that Lupin would never do that, but his fears drowned it out.

* * *

When Remus' unease hadn't left after several days, he thought perhaps he should have a talk with Severus. Maybe he'd made some change in the Wolfsbane that was causing the swirl of memories and emotions that were always just out of reach.

He knocked on the door of Severus' office just before leaving time with the vague idea that maybe they could discuss it over a pint. The lock clicked and Remus pushed the door open. Severus and his assistant were just finishing up a conversation, and the young man smiled and placed a friendly hand on Severus' arm before turning to leave, his other hand holding a corked vial.

Lupin stiffened suddenly and the jerking of his hand slammed the door shut behind him. Severus, who knew he was there, merely frowned, but the assistant started badly, dropping the glass vial. It rolled under a bookcase, and he pulled his wand to retrieve it.

"No!" Severus' hand stopped him, and Lupin shifted his stance by the door. "Don't use magic to retrieve it; it could damage the potion."

The young man stepped back, and Severus dropped to his knees, then lowered his shoulders to the floor as he reached under the case, feeling for the vial.

Remus felt almost as though he'd been punched. In near desperation, he turned and bolted. A supply cupboard was the closest privacy he could find and, locking the door behind him, he yanked open his trousers and grabbed his painfully stiff cock. A few strokes and he was coming hard, teeth clenched to stifle any sounds.

In moments, he was leaning against a collection of mops, eyes closed and shivering from the force of the feelings that were still flailing around inside him.

_What the **fuck?**_

He cleaned up the mess, straightened his clothes, and ran his hands through his hair. Then, realizing the absurdity of standing in a broom cupboard, he glanced up and down the deserted hall and left.

Sitting in a corner booth in the closest pub, a double whiskey in his hand, Remus thought back.

When he saw the young man touch Severus – an unusual enough gesture considering it was _Severus Snape_ – even though it would have been normal enough in anyone else, Remus had felt an almost overwhelming urge to drive the young man away.

_Drive him away?_

He hadn't felt jealous, or angry; he'd felt… proprietary?

And then when Severus had knelt down to retrieve the vial, Remus had to grip the door frame to keep himself from giving into the _need_ to go to Severus, to mount him, to claim him, to… mate?

Remus took a gulp of the whiskey and closed his eyes, trying to relax, trying to let the feelings and images come through.

~~

_"Snape!"_ Remus roared through the Floo in Severus' living room and strode into the kitchen, almost colliding with the other wizard as he emerged from the stairs to his basement workshop. He levelled his wand at Severus' chest.

"What the hell have you been doing?"

Severus went deadly still, eyes watchful, hand moving imperceptibly toward his wand. "Bottling up a batch of headache potion. What are _you_ doing? I don't recall inviting you here."

"I'm remembering things. Things about my latest transformations." He wasn't so angry that he didn't notice the twitch of Severus' wand hand. With a flick of his wand, Severus' flew from his pocket and into Remus' hand. "Why do most of my memories have to do with your _arse_? Have you been fucking me? Is that why you've been inviting me here? Treating me so well? So you can _fuck_ me?"

Severus raised his chin. "I believe it is you who has been fucking me."

"You used me!"

Severus suddenly relaxed. "Is that what this is about? Righteous indignation?" He slapped Remus' wand aside. "Don't tell me you've never used anyone for sex before." His voice dripped scorn.

"Of course I have. But never without their full knowledge and consent. I did not consent to fucking you."

"The wolf hardly seemed to object." Severus smirked.

"You son-of-a-bitch, that wolf is _me!_ Did that little detail slip your mind?" He turned in disgust. "I ought to report you for ethics violations."

"To whom?" Severus sneered. "The International Consortium of Master Potioneers doesn’t _have_ an ethics code."

"Why am I not surprised." Remus threw Severus' wand on the table and pocketed his own. "And I _trusted_ you."

Remus strode back to the living room and disappeared in a blaze of flames so high that the mantle was scorched.

~~

Remus remained in a state of high dudgeon all that week and the next, and took it out on the Aurors in blistering duelling sessions. Harry lingered after one particularly active lesson.

"So, Remus. Everything all right?"

"Of course. Why?" He frowned as he looked up.

"You've seemed a bit… I dunno… _tense_ lately." Harry was absently patting at a smoking black hole in the sleeve of his robe with one of his gloves.

Remus felt the anger of the last twelve days drain out of his body. "Sorry, Harry." He found he was smiling. "Not being very fair, was I?"

Harry shrugged. "I think we all use duelling to relieve frustrations." He grinned suddenly. "Why not, eh? I just wanted to make sure you were all right."

Remus shuffled his work aside. "How about a pint?"

"Excellent." Harry tucked his gloves in his belt although his robe was still smouldering, and they headed for the lifts together.

~~

Remus stood outside the door to Severus' office taking deep breaths to calm himself. When he felt in control, he knocked. The door was opened instantly by the same young man who had been so familiar with Severus, and Remus stiffened. Looking positively frightened, the assistant crossed to the work table and poured the smoking potion into the silver goblet. Without a word, he handed it to Remus.

Remus drank quickly, noting that the flavour wasn't as bad this time. He handed the goblet back to the assistant with a smile that was more of a baring of teeth than anything remotely friendly. The young man shrank back a bit, but said nothing, and Remus turned on his heel and left.

It was the assistant who met him every day with the potion, and on the afternoon before the rising moon, Remus Apparated to the little stone woodcutters cabin in the Forbidden Forest he had used on previous occasions, and quickly cast all the necessary spells to protect himself and any others, in the unlikely event some creature wandered by.

He awoke in the morning feeling as though a herd of Centaurs had stampeded over him. Truly, he hadn't felt this bad after a transformation since he'd been on the Wolfsbane. Stiff and cold, he pulled himself off the wooden floor. The blankets he'd brought were in tatters, and he winced when he reached for his clothes. In the dim light of the cabin, his hands looked dark. Frowning, he lit his wand and looked more closely. The nails were broken, and the skin torn and covered in dried blood. Walking to the door, Remus found deep gouges in the wood of the door and the jamb where the wolf had tried to claw his way out. Even the heavy planks for the floor were scored from the animal's attempt to free himself.

A deep shudder ran through him. The wolf was not supposed to behave that way on the Wolfsbane. He had a moment's uncharitable thought that Severus had somehow sabotaged the potion, but cast it aside. He doubted the man's ego would allow him to produce substandard potions, no matter how he felt, but something was different - as demonstrated by the improved taste – so maybe that something else had affected the other properties of the brew as well.

He cast a cleaning spell on himself and dressed slowly. He'd have to talk to Severus at some point before he started the next batch of Wolfsbane, but he really didn't want anything to do with the man. He was no longer furious with Severus, but he didn't want contact with him, either. Nor was he ready to investigate his own reactions to the situation too closely yet.

With a sigh, he dropped the wards around the cabin, closed his eyes and turned into the Apparition that would take him home.

* * *

Snape was restless. The moon would be up any minute, and you'd think he was the one with lycanthropy the way he was pacing. Lupin had shown up for the Wolfsbane on schedule, but Andrew reported that he'd not said a word on any of the visits.

Why did Lupin have to be so difficult about the whole affair? It's not like he'd _harmed_ the bloody wolf in any way.

_"That wolf is **me!** "_

The words echoed in Snape's mind and he shifted uncomfortably. He had come to think of the wolf as _his_ and certainly not as some part of Lupin.

The moon rose above the hill on the opposite side of the valley, and Snape wondered where the wolf was, where Lupin had gone for the transformation. For a moment, he wondered if Lupin would keep the wolf safe, then snorted in disgust.

_"That wolf is **me!** "_

Of course he'd keep the wolf safe – he'd been doing so almost his entire life.

Snape wandered into the living room and sat facing the fire. The hearth rug looked huge and empty without the great beast curled up in his nest of blankets. Snape suddenly felt a stab of loneliness that nearly doubled him over. He realized that it was no good to pretend otherwise, it was he who belonged to the wolf, and he needed him as surely as he needed the air to breathe.

Somehow, he had to convince Lupin.

But convince Lupin of just what, exactly?

Snape wrapped himself in one of the wolf's blankets. It had been aired, but still smelled a bit of the big animal, and Snape breathed in the scent deeply.

Too unhappy to sleep, he sat and stared at the fire and thought.

* * *

Remus had a hot bath, then, after pulling splinters from beneath his nails, soaked his hands in essence of murtlap and left them unbandaged to heal.

He hurt. He hurt all over, even after the soothing bath, and Remus rummaged in the back of his underwear drawer for the small jar that was hidden there. Finding it, he unscrewed the lid and sniffed. The flakes were dry and slightly faded with age, but still retained a powerful scent. Perhaps it was still good. He found the pipe after a little more searching, and carrying them back to the living room, built up the fire and sat sideways on the couch with his legs stretched out in front of him.

He'd discovered marijuana the summer after his fifth year. A Muggle friend had introduced him to it behind his parents' shed one day after a transformation, and while the 'being stoned' part held no great appeal for him – not that he _disliked_ it, either – he learned that day that it soothed the many aches and pains of transformation. Since then, he'd tried to keep some on hand for the really bad months, though he didn't use it often.

This was a really bad month.

Remus filled the pipe – he'd never learned to roll – and, lighting it with his wand, inhaled deeply. Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back and held the smoke in his lungs. Odd that while he could do this easily, he'd never learned to inhale cigarette smoke. Sirius had gone through a smoking phase and had tried to convince Remus to join him, but Remus had never liked cigarettes.

He lit the pipe again and took another deep drag before setting wand and pipe aside and slouching down on the couch. When his lungs started to protest the lack of oxygen, he let the smoke trickle slowly out his nose.

A blessed relaxation came over him and he sighed as the pain flowed out of him to be replaced by a heavy, sleepy feeling. His thoughts were wandering, and he was thinking about whether you might be able to teach turtles to dance when he turned his head into the cushion and his thoughts shifted.

He was fucking Severus.

Remus eyes snapped open. _What the hell?_ He frowned when his mind refused to come into the crisp focus he was used to commanding, and he sighed in frustration.

Now, Remus was never sure if his sense of smell was better when he was stoned, or if he just thought it was, but the cushion smelled of – he inhaled deeply again – was that Severus?

He realized that it must be from his own hair; that he napped here after his transformations, and that he had been cleaning himself up at Severus', hence the cushion smelled of Severus' shampoo.

But what was that image?

He lit the pipe and took another drag, then settled in with his face pressed to the cushion and let his mind float.

_A cold wind beneath a full moon, rushing water, crackling leaves underfoot, a warm fire, comfort, gentle hands stroking his fur. Sex. The overwhelming need to mate, to claim, to possess, to breed, to protect._

Remus gasped as a spontaneous orgasm overwhelmed him and he sat up, shivering and reaching for his wand to clean up the mess. He sat for a moment staring at the rug, then, turning the cushion to the other side, he lay down and slept.

~~

The next day was Saturday, and Remus realized that he needed to speak with Severus sooner rather than later. After breakfast, he threw a handful of Floo Powder into the fire and stuck his head in. Next thing he knew, he was sitting on his arse on the hearthrug with a bruise rising on his forehead.

Muttering under his breath, he dashed off a note and carried it to the nearest Owl Office, then went home to wait.

He was starting to wonder if something had gone wrong when the owl returned looking as though it had been through a wind tunnel. The note Remus had written was still attached to his leg, and the owl was so upset by his failure to deliver the message that he turned down the treat Remus offered, and flew off in a flurry of wings that left a few tattered feathers behind.

After pondering just a few minutes, Remus pulled on a heavy cloak and Apparated to the small copse up the hill from Severus' cottage. It was pissing down a mixture of sleet and rain, and the wind was howling through the pines that surrounded him. Pulling up his collar and casting a repelling charm around himself, Remus slipped and slid down the steep track to the cottage.

Coming out of the second copse, his steps slowed and he frowned. He was quite sure this is where the cottage had been, but there was no sign of it. He was about to pass by, now sure it was further down, when he stopped and, after checking to see if anyone else was out in this stinking weather, drew his wand.

Yes, the cottage was there, heavily warded and protected by repelling and Confundus charms, and half a dozen more woven so tightly that Remus wasn't sure he could penetrate them. After twenty minutes in the frigid downpour, Remus finally felt the last barrier drop, and he hurried down the stairs that were now visible.

The door did not open to his pounding.

"Come on, Severus. We both know I don't need you to open this, but I'd prefer you did. I'm not going away."

The door was yanked open. "Of course you're not. You are far too rude and uncivilized. In case you hadn't figured it out, you are not welcome here."

Remus stopped the closing door with his hand. "For fuck's sake, Severus, don't make me force my way in."

"You already have, for the most part." Severus grumbled, but stepped back and allowed Remus to enter the tiny foyer.

Remus banished the water and mud and took a deep breath. "What the hell is this all about?"

"I would think that would be obvious." Severus was scowling.

Wiping his face on his sleeve, Remus studied the other man. "Not really. If you really wanted to keep me out, I wouldn't have been able to break the wards that easily. Perhaps not at all, but I'd certainly be bleeding."

A smirk twisted Severus' mouth. "At least you appreciate my skill."

"Yeah. So, since this wasn't meant for just me, though the Floo block certainly was – thank you very much for the bruise – what _is_ it about?"

"Is it so hard to believe that I just don't want visitors?"

"Given that you made no attempt to keep them out before, yes."

Severus shrugged. "I do not need to explain myself to you. On the other hand, you do need to tell me why you have barged in so rudely, especially as you barged _out_ with equal enthusiasm not so long ago."

"Are you going to offer me tea? I'm freezing."

"I'm not. And if you are, it's your own fault."

Remus really was getting tired of this. "Do you treat all your lovers this way?"

He was rewarded with seeing Severus' face go white. " _You_ are not my lover." He fairly spit the words.

"No, _I'm_ not, am I?" Remus toed off his boots and hung up his cloak.

"What happened to your hands?" Severus was staring at the torn and broken nails.

"That's some of what I'm here to talk about." He motioned toward the back of the house. "Tea."

He had to wait for Severus to move out of the way, then followed him into the kitchen.

The kettle was already boiling, and Severus pulled the tea pot down from a shelf, sloshed some boiling water in it and set about making proper tea. Remus stood by the table until, with a grunt of irritation, Severus motioned him to sit.

The tea was heavenly, and the plate of shortbread added just the right touch.

Severus waited until he was pouring second cups before demanding to know the details of why Remus was there. Remus explained about his transformation, about the unusual behaviour of the wolf, about how much pain he had experienced.

Caught up in the puzzle, Severus seemed to have forgotten he was irritated with Remus, and, after going to fetch his notes, asked all kinds of questions. Severus had gone to look for a book and Remus was reaching for another biscuit when some larger-than-usual writing on a page that was peeking from the pile caught his eye. When Severus was back in his seat, Remus held up the parchment.

"What is this?"

"My notes. Which you ought not be going through." Severus made to snatch it away, but Remus pulled it back.

" _Don't underestimate Lupin,_ " he read aloud. "Explain."

Severus grabbed the page and shuffled it into the pile. "Rather self-explanatory, I would think."

"I want context."

There was rather a long silence, then Severus started to talk.

"I could not figure out any reason for your being able to recall memories from some times and not others. No reason that pertained to the Wolfsbane, that is. The answer, then, had to be unrelated to the potion, and until I knew what it was, there was the chance that you might remember what… went on." He shifted in his seat.

"And you knew how angry I'd be."

"Actually, no." Snape's glower deepened. "I can't say I was thinking of you at all. I just figured that with a CV that included 'Death Eater', 'Dark Wizard', and murderer, I didn't need to have 'pervert' tacked on."

"So you're ashamed of wanting the wolf?"

"I don't regret what I've done."

"Not the same thing." Remus sipped his cooling tea. "Was this all just a plan to get access to the wolf then?"

"No. I'm quite interested in improving the Wolfsbane. It's a challenging puzzle and one that could be of great benefit if it's improved."

"But you wanted the wolf."

Severus poured more tea. "I think that's obvious."

"But you don't like _me._ "

"I never hated you." Severus didn't meet his eyes.

"How did you…?" Remus trailed off, not sure of his own thoughts. "How did you separate us? The wolf and I, how did you separate us in your mind? You _know_ the wolf is me, how could you…?" He took a deep breath. "How could you want the wolf so badly, and not even stand to be near me? Or would any werewolf have done?"

"No. Not any werewolf." Severus looked rather miserable. "I've had nightmares since fifth year."

Remus nodded. "So have I."

"But they changed at some point."

Remus studied the table top. "If you're afraid I'll say something, why are you telling me all this now?"

"Because I _don't_ think you'll say anything. Not now." He raised his chin. "The wolf will protect me."

Remus looked up in surprise. "You think the wolf will protect you from _me_? I _am_ the wolf."

"Precisely. And from what you've said today, and from what I've experienced, it is obvious that the wolf has accepted me. He will protect me."

Remus ran his hands through his hair. "This is so fucked up."

Severus went on, his voice soft. "I believe I know now why you remember some things and not others."

Remus' head jerked up. "Why?"

"I believe…," Severus took a deep breath. "I believe you remember when the wolf is happy."

Images, feelings, memories tumbled through Remus' mind, and when they settled, he had to admit that it did seem to be so. Happy. He had never considered the wolf as being happy or not, but the transformations at Hogwarts when his friends had romped with him through the night… yes, those were as happy times as could be for the wolf. And then with Severus. His….

"You think the wolf has taken you as his mate?" He could hardly force out the words.

There was a fierce pride in Severus' eyes. "I believe he has."

"And this is what you _wanted?"_ Remus was incredulous. "What about me? The wolf and I are kind of a package deal here. How, exactly, did you think _that_ was going to work?"

Severus wiped a hand over his eyes and sighed wearily. "I… misjudged. It was supposed to be just about the sex, nothing more. I never thought…." His voice trailed off.

"You never thought that you and the wolf would bond?"

Eyes downcast, Severus shook his head.

"It's a fine mess you've gotten us into." Remus leaned back in his chair. "Now what?"

"I…" Severus couldn't meet Remus' eyes. "I wouldn't want the wolf to injure himself during the moon."

Remus gave a bitter laugh. "Well, that works right into your hands, doesn't it? Or should I say your arse?"

Severus flinched. "I _do_ care."

"About the wolf. Yes, I know. And what about the other part of the wolf? The part that is present ninety-five percent of the time. Have you come to care for _that_ part of the wolf? How, exactly, do you feel about me, now that you've mated with part of me?"

"I'm not indifferent." He raised his head, challenge in his eyes. "You have changed toward me as well."

"Merlin help me, but I have." Remus scowled at a memory. "Just who the hell is that assistant of yours and why is he so familiar with you? His behaviour is hardly proper."

Severus cocked his head in puzzlement. "Andrew? What did he do?"

Remus felt his face grow warm. "He was touching you."

"Touching…." Severus blinked. "Oh, the day that you stormed out without saying anything." He gave a tight smile. "Andrew – who _is_ outstanding at Potions – is also the son of an old friend. I've known him since _before_ he was in nappies."

"Oh." Remus hated feeling petulant. "Still inappropriate."

They sat in silence for a minute or two, then Remus straightened up.

"So, what's wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?" Severus put the kettle on for yet more tea.

"You're all barricaded up in here, for one."

"I didn't want to be disturbed." He gave Remus a pointed look. "Still don't."

"And why aren't you using magic?"

The tea pot landed on the table with a bit more force than was necessary. "And that – " Severus' voice was rueful. "Is what I meant about not underestimating you. Too observant by half."

Remus was caught off guard for a moment. "So?"

Severus dumped the last of the shortbread onto the empty plate. "I won't pretend that the night of the moon was for me anything like what it was for you, but it was still utterly miserable. Physically painful, even. My magic," he looked into Remus' eyes, "seems to be diminishing since, as though I have a set store and that's it. I have no idea why, but it is clearly tied to my… relationship… with the wolf." He huffed a small, mirthless laugh. "As for the barricades, they went up before your first transformation here and I've never bothered taking them down. You didn't know because you always use the Floo."

"Oh." Remus munched a biscuit and swallowed. "Yeah, OK. But your magic, you're sure about the finite amount thing?"

"Not completely, but I'm very hesitant to test the theory. If I'm to 'fix' the problem by joining with the wolf again, I have an entire month in which to make my magic last. I do not want to be defenceless."

"War's over."

"And all the secrets I carried died with the Dark Lord?"

"Ah."

"Indeed."

Remus felt a sudden chill go down his spine. "How much magic is involved in making the Wolfsbane?"

"A lot." Severus frowned.

"And _Andrew,_ can he brew it?"

"He could under my close supervision, and with my assistance with the magic, but…."

"You don't want to make yourself vulnerable. Are you planning on working at all? What will you tell Kingsley?"

Severus gave a rueful smile. "I was going to use the weekend to come up with some excuse for being out the rest of the month."

"So you were planning on… fucking the wolf next moon?"

"It's the only way I can think of to revitalize my magic."

"And if I don't agree? For Merlin's sake, Severus! You're talking about spending the night with a werewolf that isn't on Wolfsbane. You think I'll agree to that?"

"I have no choice!"

"Well, I do! It's not going to happen." Remus got up and started to pace.

"You'd deprive me of my magic and the wolf of his m-mate?" Severus looked angry at his stutter over the word.

"I'll _not_ deprive you of your life – or me of mine, for that matter. For gods' sake, you've met the werewolf without the Wolfsbane – twice. Do you think you'd survive a third time?"

"He won't hurt me. Think about it, Lupin. The wolf – without the potion – ran with his friends during the moon. Potter was what? A stag? Seriously? And the wolf didn't have him for a _snack?_ The wolf _knows_ who his friends are. He not a total ravening beast." Severus cocked his head. "He _is_ you, remember."

"Not so much as you'd notice, I'm afraid." Remus sat down heavily. "There aren't a lot of options, are there?"

"Not that I've been able to come up with."

"If you do no magic until the moon, will you have enough in reserve to protect yourself from the wolf if you need to?"

"I think so."

"We are so fucked." Remus ran his hands through his hair.

"That too." Severus wore an unrepentant smirk.

Remus snorted. "All right. I'll cover for you at the Ministry once you let me know the story you've come up with, and I'll bring you anything you need from the lab. _If_ you'll open your Floo to me again; I don't fancy another trip through the Welsh winter. I'll replace the wards outside, as well, and please tell _Andrew_ to cooperate."

Severus' eyes had gone wide. "Thank you."

"Yeah, well." Remus went to the foyer and pulled on his boots. Then, donning his cloak and borrowing the umbrella that stood in the corner, he went out and redid the wards around the house. Ten minutes later, he was inside again, banishing the wet from his clothes.

"I've set the wards to allow myself entry. I _do_ hope that's all right?" He gave Severus a pointed look.

"And I've unlocked the Floo." Severus shrugged. "A very small amount of magic."

"I'm off then. You've given me enough to assimilate for one day." He scrutinized Severus closely. "Keep in touch."

Severus merely nodded.

~~

On the second occasion he arrived with a parcel from the lab that Severus set aside without looking at, Remus started to wonder.

"Am I playing messenger boy just because you want company?"

"Don't be absurd."

"Is there tea?"

"Of course."

"As I thought."

Remus closed his eyes as the flaky pastry melted on his tongue, and the raspberry filling flooded his mouth with the taste of summer days.

"Did you make these?"

"You have no idea how bored I am."

"Do you play chess?"

"I do."

"What's for dinner?"

He took to dropping in on Severus a couple of times a week. Sometimes he brought take-away, but usually Severus cooked, claiming boredom, not encroaching domesticity. Remus didn't care. He found himself enjoying Severus' company and looking forward to their evenings of chess games and chat, but the closer the moon came to full, the more restless and irritable he became. And the worse he got, the quieter Severus became.

Finally, it was the afternoon of the moon. They had agreed to go to the woodcutter's cabin in the Forbidden Forest so as not to destroy Severus' home. They walked in, and Severus put his shoulder to the sagging door to close it. He looked around at the bare walls, the broken furniture, and the cold, dirty hearth.

"Homey."

Remus snorted, then started warding the cabin. When he was almost done, he looked at Severus.

"Last chance."

Severus shook his head once, and Remus finished the job of making the cabin werewolf proof. He added a warming charm, though he warned it would wear off before morning. Severus just shrugged and started to get out of his clothes.

Once they were both naked, Remus bundled their things and levitated them up into the rafters out of harm's way. They spread the blankets they had brought on the floor.

"No one but my Mum has ever seen my transformations."

"I've never seen _anyone's_ transformation, so we're sort of even."

Remus snorted. His skin was starting to crawl, itching as though things moved just under the surface. He didn't have much time.

"Promise me, Severus. Promise me you won't let me hurt you." He was starting to shake.

An odd look passed over Severus face, but he simply nodded. "I promise."

~~

Remus woke up shivering and forced himself stiffly to his knees. He was on a pile of woollen tatters that had been the blankets, and beside him, Severus lay perfectly still on his side. His back was covered with long welts from the wolf's claws, and there was a large bruise on his jaw. Remus touched his shoulder. It was cold.

"Severus." He gave him a shake. _"Severus!"_ He shook him roughly.

"Cut it out, will you! Gods, that hurts." Severus pushed himself into a sitting position.

"You're all right?" Remus was so relieved he could hug the man, but didn't think it would be advisable.

Severus frowned up at him. "Seem to be. Sore as hell all over, but no broken bones, and no broken skin."

Remus felt weak with relief. "And your magic?"

Looking smug, Severus raised his hand, pointed at a broken chair against the far wall, and incinerated it without a word.

Remus laughed and scrambled to his feet, then held out a hand for Severus. Once they were both up, he retrieved their clothes and they dressed quickly.

After banishing all signs, material and magical, that they had been there, Remus turned to Severus.

"My place?"

Severus raised an eyebrow, but didn't protest.

Remus put an arm around his shoulders and Apparated them into his living room. He started a fire with a wave of his wand, then headed toward the bathroom. He stopped just inside the door.

"I guess we'll have to toss a coin for first bath."

Severus almost rolled his eyes. "How long have you been a wizard?" Without waiting for an answer, he pulled his wand, and with a flick of his wrist, the bathtub grew to a size that would comfortably accommodate two.

It was Remus' turn to raise an eyebrow.

"Surely you aren't going modest on me at this point, are you?" Severus started the tub filling and rooted in the cabinet. Finding the bottle of healing herbs in oil that Remus kept for post-transformation baths, Severus poured a generous amount into the tub. A cloud of fragrant steam billowed from the tub, filling the room.

"Be right back." Remus headed for his underwear drawer.

When he returned, Severus was stretched out in the tub, his head resting on the rim and his eyes closed. Remus stepped in carefully, his head at the opposite end. He lowered himself slowly into the hot water, the herbs stinging the cuts and scrapes for a few seconds. Then it was just warmth and bliss.

He filled and lit the pipe, took a deep drag and held it out to Severus. A slow smile spread over the other man's face.

"Remus Lupin, full of surprises." He took the pipe and inhaled for what seemed like forever.

Exhaling slowly, Remus chuckled. "But of course you smoke."

"Cannabis is a useful herb in many potions. Haven't smoked since I was a teenager, though."

"I only smoke after a bad transformation. Helps with the pain."

"You're in pain now?" Severus frowned.

"Always, after a change. Not so bad this time though, which is odd. It's usually far worse without Wolfsbane."

Severus gave him back the pipe and held the lit wand for him. Remus leaned back, enjoying the feeling of the pain leaching into the water.

"Clearly I didn't kill you, but other than that, how did it go?"

"Rough." Severus smirked. "I believe you weren't too happy about being away from me last moon."

Remus felt as though he was floating in a world of water. "And the nights are long this time of year."

"Indeed they are."

Remus, with his eyes closed, was getting flashes of memory, Severus beneath him, Severus pushing back against him. His cock was slowly starting to swell.

"How's your arse?"

Severus tipped his head back, blew a smoke ring, then exhaled the rest in a rush. "Thoroughly rodgered."

Remus laughed until he slid down and almost inhaled a mouthful of water. Severus was looking at him in exaggerated disgust as he finally sputtered to a stop.

"Good thing you like it then, eh?" Remus washed the tears of laughter off his face.

"You don't find that… disturbing?"

Remus sobered instantly. "I'm a werewolf, Severus. I don't judge others for their differences."

They sat in silence for a while, Remus enjoying the feeling of being totally relaxed and pain-free.

"I've been surprised these few weeks." Severus voice was slow and lazy.

"Mmm?" Remus forced one eye open.

"I was expecting you to… I don't know… require some sort of…." He made a vague gesture with one hand.

Remus' brain was sluggish, but not dead. "You expected me to demand you bend over for me?"

"Yes."

"I thought I made it clear? I don't put my cock anywhere it isn't welcome."

"Words are easy."

"In my case, I mean them."

"Are you really _that_ good a person?"

"No. Not about everything. This happens to be something I feel strongly about." Remus looked at him steadily.

"I see." Severus looked away.

Remus picked up a flannel and soap and began lazily washing his chest and arms. As he moved lower, he sighed. His cock was about three-quarters hard, as it usually was when he smoked, and he enjoyed the slight tease of it without feeling any pressing need to relieve it. Right now, he'd almost forgotten the other man as he fondled himself with the flannel.

"I'm impressed."

Severus' lazy voice brought him back to the present and he flushed. "Seriously?"

"Not with the size, you idiot – that's ordinary enough – with the fact that you can get it up at all. You had a very active night."

Remus sighed. "Different cock." He snorted. "You'd think a man with two cocks would be happier about it."

Severus barked a laugh and choked. He coughed until his eyes watered, and when he finally sputtered to a stop, Remus had the pipe ready.

"Yeah," Severus' voice was high and tight. "That'll help." He took the pipe anyway, and inhaled deeply.

Remus, unable to easily reach his own lower legs, started to wash Severus' instead. He was washing carefully between Severus' toes when the man squirmed and pushed him away.

"Enough."

Remus passed him the soap and flannel and leaned back, utterly content.

"Do you even like people?"

Severus gave him a look of such wide-eyed incredulity that he laughed. "For sex, I mean. Do you like having sex with people?"

"I'm not _that_ twisted."

"Not that twisted that you do, or that you don't?"

"Arse." The word held no venom and, done with himself, Severus started to wash Remus' legs. "I have indulged, from time to time."

"I see." Remus couldn't keep the mirth from his voice. "And would you consider indulging in sex with me?"

Severus placed the flannel and soap carefully aside, not meeting Remus' eyes.

"Forget it." Remus tipped his head back and sighed. "I've made you uncomfortable. Didn't mean to." He shook his head.

"It was a reasonable question." Severus' voice was soft. "It's just that… well… I don't bottom. I know that sounds strange…."

Remus studied Severus face, or what he could see of it behind his hair. "Not really. You allow yourself to be quite vulnerable when you bottom, rather a dangerous prospect for a man playing both sides the way you did. And you do like being in control. It surprises me that you're willing to submit to the wolf, actually. I wouldn't have thought it in your nature."

Severus shrugged. "The wolf is safe." He saw Remus' expression and went on. "He won't betray me. Or stick a knife in my back."

"Just maybe disembowel you."

Severus snorted a laugh. "Give me some credit for being able to defend myself."

"Yeah, right. I'm sure your _wand_ was foremost in your mind while the wolf was buggering the stuffing out of you."

A small smile stretched Severus' lips. "It is rather overwhelming."

Remus splashed water on his head and reached for the shampoo. "Enough of this. If you're not going to let me make love to you, I need to stop talking about sex. Unless you want me wanking in front of you."

Severus took the shampoo from Remus and poured a generous amount into his cupped palm. He scrubbed his scalp, then ducked his head beneath the water to rinse out the bubbles. Shaking the water from his eyes, he looked at Remus.

"I didn't say no."

Remus stood and grabbed a couple of towels, passing one to Severus and he stood as well. He climbed out of the tub.

"Didn't say yes, either."

They dried off, and Severus fished out a jar from the pocket of his cloak that had been discarded on the floor.

"Super Wound Ease." He proceeded to apply a liberal amount to the needed area.

"Always planning," Remus took the jar and smoothed some over the welts on Severus' back.

Finished, Remus belted a thick dressing gown around his waist and stepped into slippers. "I've another," he nodded toward the hooks on the back of the door, then to a basket on the back of the toilet that held an array of rolled socks. "Help yourself. Hungry?"

"Starving." Severus reached for the dressing gown, then pocketed a thick pair of socks before padding after Remus to the kitchen.

Remus started the tea, and after putting on the warm socks, Severus set out plates and cutlery, then just sat and sipped tea while watching Remus cook.

Heaping plates of food later, they sat back, satisfied. Severus poured the last of the tea, and Remus sent the dishes to the sink to wash themselves.

Finally, even the tea was gone, and Remus stood, stretching till his joints cracked.

"I'm going to bed. You may join me if you wish, and do nothing more than sleep." He smiled. "You're welcome either way."

Severus hesitated momentarily, then gave a small nod and followed Remus to the bedroom. He crawled under the covers as Remus went about charming the windows to block most of the light. It was quite dim when Remus finished.

Remus placed his wand on the bedside table right next to the clock. He then shucked his robe and slippers and slid under the sheets. A look at Severus told him that the man was either asleep or doing an outstanding job of pretending to be, so he settled on his side, then wriggled back until he felt Severus' warmth at his back. With a contented smile, he slept.

~~

Something was tickling Remus' nose. He opened a bleary eye to a curtain of silky black hair. Lifting his head, he saw a bright, dark eye watching him.

"I didn't think you'd ever awaken. Mind letting me up? I've had to take a piss for half an hour." The words were grumpy, but the voice was soft.

Remus realized that he had an arm and a leg wrapped around Severus' body.

"Mph. Sorry." He disentangled his limbs slowly. "Why didn't you just… push me away?"

"Because every time I moved, you tightened your grip." Severus headed off for the loo, and Remus couldn't help watching his backside as it twitched out of the room.

In minutes Severus was back, slipping beneath the covers and sliding cold skin against Remus' warmth.

Remus' attempt at protest came out as a sleepy grunt. He gave up and rubbed a hand over his face. "What time is it?"

"According to the clock _right next to your head,_ it's 4:20."

"In the afternoon?"

"Just how long do you think you've slept?"

"Not long enough." Remus yawned mightily.

When Severus didn't respond, he turned his head to look at him.

"So, how is this going to play out?"

Severus frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it seems clear that you and my wolf have bonded. While he may not _need_ you the same way you seem to need him – and that is a fascinating development – he is certainly miserable when kept away from you. Misery for which I pay."

He studied the ceiling. "I was thinking, before all this came about, that I might be ready to enter into a relationship. I've had enough of people who want to go to bed with a Dark Creature, and couldn't care less who that creature was inhabiting most of the time. Sometimes that's fine; a good fuck is not a bad thing, but I want…. I want someone to want me for more than that, and for more than one night.

"I have a feeling that the wolf will not allow me to become involved with anyone else now. Provided, of course, I could find someone who doesn't mind a boyfriend who not only turns into a werewolf once a month, but a werewolf who is mated to someone else.

"I had certainly never considered you, but I find, now, that I'm not averse to the idea."

"If that's intended as a pick-up line, it's an abysmal failure." Severus was frowning.

Remus thought for a moment. "The problem I see with you is that, well, you don't seem to like me very much, and I wouldn't want to be just a place-holder; something for you to do between moons, nor would I want you if you're just trying to keep the wolf close."

"I have found – " Severus' voice was thoughtful, " – that my feelings toward you are changing a bit more each moon. Other than the self-imposed quarantine, I rather enjoyed the last month."

"But if it _weren't_ for the self-imposed quarantine, you'd have had no need of my company."

"I didn't mind."

"So what are you saying, Severus, that you'll be my convenience fuck if I keep hanging around? 'Cause I'm not interested in that."

"No, that is _not_ what I'm saying." Severus folded his arms over his chest. "I know what you mean, though." He continued, his voice soft. "About being wanted for what you are instead of _who_ you are."

"Mm. And you were more than a mere Dark Creature. You're an extremely powerful Dark Wizard who had influence in high places. I'm sure you had more than your share of sycophants."

"Not so much influence, but people seemed to think so." Severus sighed. "Too bad those sort are untrustworthy in the extreme."

"Is that the only reason you don't bottom?"

Severus thought for a long moment. "For most of my life, I never really had the opportunity, nor did it seem wise, to consider a relationship. I didn't even _want_ one." He shrugged with almost exaggerated indifference. "And if you're only going for a one-off, it's not really worth taking your clothes off, is it?"

Remus rolled onto his side and propped his head on his hand. He couldn't help grinning. "Oh, Severus, there is a _whole world_ of pleasure awaiting you."

"So what are _you_ saying here, Lupin? A moment ago, you appeared to rebuff me, now you're what, offering to tutor me in a world of sexual indulgence? I thought you wanted more?"

Remus flopped back to stare at the ceiling frowning in thought. "What I appear to be saying – or feeling – is that if I'm not over-thinking things, I already feel as though we _are_ in a relationship. You have cared for me after my changes, I'm comfortable with you and like spending time with you." He turned his head and grinned. "I'm having a very hard time keeping my hands off you right now, and…. Yeah. I think I'd like to give the relationship thing a go with you. If you'll have me for me."

"Isn't that what I'm been saying?" Severus looked peeved.

"Hard to tell," Remus felt his grin grow wider. "You're pricklier than a hedgehog most of the time."

Severus' eyes narrowed in a scowl. "That hardly seems the way…."

Remus cut his words off with a kiss.

It was a kiss that questioned rather than demanded, invited rather than claimed. A kiss that, after a few seconds, Severus returned tentatively.

Remus moaned softly into Severus mouth as he enjoyed the taste of him, enjoyed the way he was kissing him back. When Severus tangled a hand in Remus' hair, he slid his own down Severus' ribs to rest on his hip.

When Severus pressed against him, and Remus slipped his hand between them, wrapping it around both their cocks. He squeezed gently, then started to stroke lightly.

Severus gasped and shuddered, then attacked Remus' mouth as though starving for him.

Then Remus pulled away and Severus' eyes clouded, but Remus put a finger to his lips, then slid down the bed until he could take Severus in his mouth.

The way Severus bucked his hips, and the small desperate sound that came from his lips only encouraged Remus, and he took Severus to the root, sucking and working the underside of his cock with his tongue. Severus fists tightened in Remus' hair, and Remus released his cock slowly, kissing his way back up Severus' body to his lips once again.

"What do you want?" Remus was nibbling his way along the underside of Severus' jaw.

"What?" Severus pulled back with a frown.

Remus grinned. "What do you want? Do you want to top?"

"You're asking me questions?"

"I told you, I don't put my cock anywhere it isn't welcome. So, as much as I'm dying to bury myself so deep you think I'm part of you, I'm good with bottoming, too."

Severus blinked, then met his eyes steadily. "I would like you to fuck me."

Remus' grin felt like it would split his face.

Severus started to move up onto his hands and knees, but Remus gave his hip a solid shove.

"Oh, no. That's for the wolf. I want you to see who's fucking you." He rolled on top of Severus and kissed him hard. "And I want to see you looking at me."

He fished a bottle of lube from the drawer in the bedside table and settled on his knees between Severus thighs. He spread the light oil over his cock with slow, twisting strokes, then slipped his fingers down Severus' crack and wiped the remaining oil around his entrance.

Severus kept his eyes on Remus' face, but drew his knees up, grabbing the backs of his thighs and spreading himself.

"Gods, you are hot." Remus corked the bottle and dropped it off the edge of the bed onto the rug, then he gripped Severus' hips and pulled his arse up onto his thighs. Lining himself up, he leaned forward and sank slowly into the waiting heat of Severus' body.

Severus' eyes fluttered shut and a groan came from deep in his chest.

"Look at me." It was more of a growl then words, but Severus' eyes snapped open and focused on Remus' face.

Remus fucked him with long, slow strokes and a twist of his hips once his cock was fully seated. He held himself still for a heartbeat, then started another slow stroke. He canted his hips a little more, searching.

The sound Severus made was hardly human, and for a moment his eyes rolled back, but then he was panting, huge eyes locked on Remus' face with an expression that was half disbelief and half pleading.

"Good?" Remus couldn't manage more as he fought for control, fought to keep the angle just right so he could bump against that sweet spot again.

"Ahhhh…!" Severus body bucked and twitched, but folded almost in half as he was, he couldn't move much. He let go of his legs, and Remus caught them on his shoulders. Severus gripped Remus' hips and pulled.

"Faster!"

"Nuh uh." Remus could barely speak. "Not the wolf." He was shaking and the sweat was pooling in the small of his back.

He stroked over Severus' prostate again, and Severus gave a high, keening cry as he arched his back, throwing his head back. Unable to resist, Remus let Severus' legs slide to the crook of his arms as he leaned forward and grabbed a mouthful of that long, slender neck. He sucked lightly, fighting the urge to….

"Bite!"

Remus froze.

"Damn it all, the wolf doesn't bite me!" Severus was panting. "You! Bite!"

Severus was shaking beneath him, and he gave in and sucked the skin of Severus' neck and worried it with his teeth, at the same time, driving hard.

Severus cried out and Remus changed his grip and sucked again. Severus raked Remus' back with his nails and convulsed, his muscles clenching so hard on Remus' cock that he lost control and drove in again, and again, and then he was coming, flooding Severus with his release.

Sitting back slowly onto his heels and letting Severus' legs straighten, Remus looked at the man who lay, totally spent, on his bed. There were two purpling bruises on his neck, and a pool of cooling come on his belly. His eyes were closed, his breathing deep and ragged, and his hair a tangle.

He looked incredible.

"All right?" He was out of breath himself.

One bright eye opened, and Severus scowled. "Of course I'm all right, what kind of question is that?"

Remus laughed as he leaned forward and gently kissed the bruises. Severus took a long breath and then his arms were around Remus and their lips met.

"So," Severus was still a bit breathless. "That's what it's like to bottom?"

"If your top is any good." Remus allowed himself to look smug.

"I see." Severus cocked his head. "So why don't you bottom all the time?"

Remus smiled at the serious look on Severus' face. "Because I love watching my lover enjoy himself. And I must say, you are incredibly responsive."

"Well…." Severus let the sentence dangle and went back to kissing Remus.

* * *


	4. One Year Later

The first thing he was aware of was Severus' voice murmuring the most impossible things. Then he felt the hand stroking his hair and with a gasp, he came fully alert.

"All right, then?" Severus wiped his face with a warm, wet flannel.

"Yes." Remus grinned. " _Really_ all right. I have hardly any pain."

Severus sat back on the edge of the bed. "I was right, then."

"Yes." Remus couldn't help laughing with sheer joy. "Who would have ever thought that the way to beat the pain of my transformations was to _look forward_ to them."

"Animagi transfigurations don't cause more than minor discomfort though the body goes through the same twistings and reformings. What other difference is there beside overwhelming desire?" Severus smiled.

"I couldn't have done it without you." Remus touched Severus' face. "Without you, there would be no reason to look forward to being a wolf."

Severus flushed slightly, but looked pleased.

"I hope that doesn't mean an end to the post-transformation bath and pipe?"

Remus pulled Severus down into a long kiss.

"Not a chance."

~~ end ~~


End file.
